Silence is not a sign of surrender or weakness. Amid the busyness and the rapid pace of everyday life, taking a pause is extremely necessary. Dr. Sylvia Morris and Dr. Angela Walker are joined by a returning guest: Dr. Rhonda Mattox, a board-certified psychiatrist, coach, and author of Take 5! Pathway to Peace. Standing at the intersection of mental health, media, policy, and faith, Dr. Rhonda explains how to take care of yourself by embracing a mindset of gratitude and learning how to properly navigate different kinds of grief. She also explains the power of journaling, work delegation, and walking in nature to fully tap into a more empowered version of yourself.
Music courtesy of Dealer’s Choice Sound Recordings, Inc.
Music artist: djezi
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Finding Peace Through Silence With Dr. Rhonda Mattox
Welcome back to the show, where we amplify both stories, brave women and the powerful decisions that change everything. I am Dr. Angela Walker with my lovely co-host.
I’m Dr. Sylvia E. Morris. We are sitting with a returning guest, a friend of the show, who is not only brilliant, but transformational. The kind of voice that doesn’t just inform you, it interrupts you in the best way.
If you’ve heard her before on this show, then you already know. Dr. Rhonda Mattox doesn’t just talk about mental health. She reframes how we understand ourselves.
Dr. Mattox is a Board-Certified Psychiatrist and Neurologist with over two decades of experience, a thought leader at the intersection of mental health, media, policy, and faith. She’s someone who has advised everywhere from Capitol Hill to Hollywood.
Her work challenges the idea that silence is strength, and instead, asks a powerful question. “What are we losing when people don’t feel safe to use their own voice?”
Our own Dr. Mattox took the message to the TEDx stage.
Boss Leap family, this is one of those conversations where you may want to pause, reflect, and come back again because there’s going to be something here for you.
Welcome back to the show, Dr. Rhonda Mattox.
Thank you for inviting me. It’s my pleasure.
We are excited that you are here with us.
How TEDx Talk Transformed Dr. Rhonda’s Life
We’re going to just jump right into it, Dr. Rhonda. We’ll start with your TEDx talk, if that’s okay. Not with the message itself, because we’ve had the gift of learning from you before. What about the moment? What did it feel like to stand on the stage, deliver the message that is so deeply personal and so broadly needed?
It felt like I belonged there. I felt confident. When I went out, there were so many people who were there that I knew. Half the audience was there for Rhonda Mattox. I didn’t feel as nervous as I might have if it had been complete strangers. I felt like I had been practicing my whole life for that moment on the stage. The message that I talked about is a message I’ve been talking about for decades, but I was showing vulnerability.
Many times when you’re talking to a psychiatrist or a minister, the world expects you to be perfect. They expect you to live the whole thing that you’re talking about and live it perfectly. On that stage, I was vulnerable about my people-pleasing ways at times. I talked about how I’ve struggled, and the evolution that happened that helps me to deliver the message that I can so credibly deliver to them. It’s not because it’s theoretical. It is because it is life lived.
Dr. Rhonda, tell us. Was there anything about your TEDx experience that surprised you, even just something small?
I thought I was doing the TEDx so that I could deliver a message. What happened is, as I was preparing, it was like I was revisiting childhood Rhonda, a young woman Rhonda, middle-aged Rhonda, and mother Rhonda. I was assimilating all of the messages that I had received to deliver that talk. I was rediscovering people Rhondas that I had long forgotten about. I was rediscovering that.
The other piece was there is a cohort that you come into this with. Getting to know the cohort of other speakers was an unintended perk that I appreciate. I shared the stage with some absolutely brilliant folks who had great messages. To be able to develop relationships and have respect for their message was something that I hadn’t thought about, but it’s a perk. When you do TEDx, you evolve. You also get some amazing individuals that I imagine, some of them, I want to do life with.
We can’t wait to see that. We know that you have spent your career helping people reclaim their voice. Certainly, as you talked about the different Rhondas during your TEDx talk, can you just share how your relationship with your own voice has changed over time?
I grew up in the South. In the South, children are to be seen and not heard, at least during my generation. If your parents wanted your opinion, they gave it to you. They were not soliciting it. I grew up during a time when I wasn’t encouraged to use my voice. All of a sudden, at sixteen, I am supposed to know how to use my voice. I graduated early, so I went to college at sixteen.
I have people who are asking me what I want. I remember dating someone. He was like, “Where do you want to eat?” I was like, “Where do you want to eat?” I didn’t have a voice yet. We dated for probably about 4 or 5 years. Somewhere along the way, I started to develop a voice. He was used to the girl who had no voice. I’m becoming a woman. I have thoughts and opinions. I remember this relationship that had been easy-peasy, easy like Sunday morning, evolving.
It’s because you were saying yes all the time.
People love yes people. When you start to say, “This feels uncomfortable for me. I’m not comfortable with that. I think, I believe, that’s not good for me.” The relationship shifted. Ultimately, he was a great guy, but it meant that I needed to part ways because my vision for my life was not in alignment. I couldn’t be with him and become the woman that I am now. I remember it being really hard. We didn’t part ways because of infidelity or him being mean. It was just I was catching glimpses of what I was destined to do. I knew that I couldn’t be that with him.
The beautiful thing about my husband is he had his shine. My shine didn’t threaten his shine. I don’t want to say permitted but I will say he has supported me from the sidelines. He grabbed my hands and said, “You’re not aiming high enough.” When I was afraid to do certain things. I was like, “Why don’t you?” He would say, “We’ll try.”
He has been my we’ll-try guy. Not only just we’ll-try when it’s convenient for him, but we’ll-try even when it means he has to move across the country to LA so that I can do a fellowship. Maybe move to DC with me because I’m doing policy advising. The difference and what he was willing to do to support me through my dreams was everything. When you marry someone who is not afraid of your shine, who can support your shine, and who can pour gasoline on that shine and make it whatever. That is everything.
Marry someone who is not afraid of your shine, can support your shine, and pour gasoline on your shine. Share on XHow Dr. Rhonda Found Her Lifetime Partner
Dr. Rhonda, can we stay here for a moment? I am thinking about when you met your husband, how is it that you knew that this man was the right person for you? Meaning, that he was going to help to amplify your shine, hold your hand, and help move you forward because that’s not always easy to see.
I didn’t know immediately. What had happened was that my real mother had died. The person that I was dating at the time didn’t come to the funeral and didn’t send flowers. Even though I was in my twenties, I had experienced great loss. I knew that I didn’t want a Mr. Feel-Good guy. I wanted somebody who could go through the challenging times with me.
Most people in their twenties are not thinking like that, but I was thinking like that. I’m going to be in trouble. I’m not going to show him this, so don’t you guys show my husband this. This lady wanted to introduce me to what would become my husband. I didn’t want her support. I was like, “I’ll find my own troubles.” She wouldn’t take no for an answer. She calls me and we talk for a minute. She calls him and we talk. She puts us on the line. She won’t take no for an answer.
Was it like a three-way call?
Yes. She’s like, “You need to meet.” Because I didn’t want to be introduced to anybody, I always said, “I’ll find my own troubles. I don’t need any help.” I didn’t want any introductions. When we first got on the phone, I was just like, “Okay.” She excuses herself from the phone call. I think we’re going to be friends. Let me back up just a little bit. The reason she said this was because I had told her that I had broken up with this guy. I said, “If I should have a moment of weakness, do not take me back because I’m going to come to my senses. I’m going to ditch you again. Let’s part ways and never look back.”
This is a guy that didn’t show up for you at your mother’s funeral?
Yes.
Alright, I haven’t forgotten. I’m still mad at him.
“Do not look back. I’m done.” She was like, “I got somebody for you.” She wanted to introduce him. Neither of us wanted her to introduce us to anybody. Lovely lady, but not necessarily trusting her judgment. I’m just thinking he’s going to be my friend. I was good with being single. I was having fun. I was finally good with being single. I was about to graduate from medical school. I had these plans. I’m about to kick it. I met him. He had integrity. He had character. He was just settled. I remember he gave me this gift. The gift was a AAA card.
That’s so pragmatic.
That’s safety, yes.
I still have my AAA card.
We were dating. Mostly, he was traveling in the UK.
That’s not sexy at all. I’m sorry.
Not sexy at all, but that’s a signal. He was concerned about me going out late at night to get some candy. I’m like, “I got to go get something.” He was like, “Wait a minute, hold on.” He was concerned about my safety. You dated some guys. When you meet their folks, their family’s like, “What are you doing with him? You are too good for him.” When I met his folks, they were like, “He is a good guy. You better take care of him.” There was something about that that felt a little like a threat. It was like, “I will cut you.”
Know what you have.
His family really respected him. I don’t think my husband knows this. The seal to the deal was, I loved how he treated the waitstaff. I had dated people who were amazing to me and then ugly with the waitstaff.
Been there.
I have been a waitress in my first year of college. This was a guy who left solid tips, who was friendly with the waitstaff, and was friendly with the people around him. I was determining that he had great character, that he had integrity. Even when we were dating, if someone asked for money, before he made money decisions.
He would talk it over with me and find out what I thought about it. We were dating, but before he made major purchases, he would talk to me. “What do you think about this?” I liked that he is and was a respectful guy who was interested in my opinion. I just couldn’t shake that. Before I loved him, I respected him immensely. I trusted his decision-making.
I love all of that.
Thank you for giving me this opportunity. We never talk about my husband on this show.
Giving him his flowers. We’re going to make sure we talk to, we won’t say his name, but Dr. or Mr. Mattox.
It’s Dr. Mattox as well.
How To Navigate Different Types Of Losses
We’re going to make sure we put it in so he gets his flowers. I’m going to shift gears a little bit because we talked about some areas of grief. Maybe grieving the loss of the relationship. Particularly in the way in which it was. It sounds like you realized who this other guy really was, but also the loss of your birth mother.
It’s something in grief we don’t talk about enough. Not just the grief from loss, which is obvious there right in our face. The grief from change. Changes in our lives, from relationships. Maybe relationships are still there, but they’ve shifted. They’ve changed in nature. Can you talk a little bit about what that looks like for us? How should we go about navigating?
It’s interesting because there are different types of losses. There is perhaps a maternal loss when she was expecting to have a healthy child. She has maybe a healthy child with special needs. What she intended to happen, the taking them away for college, the dad walking the child down the aisle. That shifts.
There can be that loss. There can be the loss with just the aging of your parents. I remember the last time I saw my birth mother. She didn’t recognize me. Life was happening. That was painful. People who have parents with dementia who don’t recognize them, that is a pain that is like no other. You have friendships. There are people in my life that I thought would navigate every chapter of my life with me.
We’re no longer friends. Even though we’re no longer friends, I still love them with my entire heart, with my chest, with everything. I miss them, but maybe I wasn’t good for them. They weren’t good for me. Some of those relationships ended by ghosting. You don’t even know what it was. I still think fondly of them. I’m thankful for the lessons that I learned from them.
The way you grieve them is you sit with the discomfort. You don’t have to make anyone an enemy. If you part ways in divorce, it grieves me to witness two great people that I thought very highly of decide that they’re going to part ways. They have to villainize each other. That disturbs me greatly. You can still be two great people. You can part ways. You can still give your children the gift of having dignity and respect for each parent without making them choose.
I remember a familiar relationship that I wanted what I saw other people have. I wanted us to be close. The individual just was not capable of having that with me, or didn’t want that. I envisioned us doing these things. I grieved a relationship that was still very much present. That I was witnessing happen with other people, but it wasn’t happening with me. That is painful, because then you’re like, “What did I say? What did I do?” You start flipping back into whatever. You may not have closure.
One of the things that I do not encourage you to do is run after the person like a little puppy dog. “What do I do? I’m sorry.” You’re wrong about me. Perhaps the lesson is that you were wrong about them. Maybe it wasn’t that they were wrong about you. Maybe you were wrong about them. Letting go gracefully is something that I recommend.
That doesn’t mean that I’m saying don’t initiate a conversation. If you initiate the conversation and they don’t want it, or they give you a bunch of foolishness or whatever. Don’t go about trying to prove yourself. There are certain conversations that I’m not going to have because I know that I’ve been nothing but good to you. You should know. If you don’t, let us part ways.
Sometimes, it’s season, reason, lifetime. As you mentioned, letting go of things with grace. That can be a hard lesson to learn. It takes time. I know that certainly sometimes we, as women, carry around grief. It isn’t necessarily just about the people in our sphere, but also the versions of ourselves. Can you talk about that?
I want to add one more thing. Sometimes, the abandonment reminds you of the abandonment from parents or the abandonment from others. It’s not that you’re grieving that relationship. It is that, with compound interest, with all the other people that you feel like have left you. Even if the losses were due to death or whatever. It’s that piece to that as well.
Grieving The Person You Thought You Would Become
I was thinking about how we don’t always just grieve people, but we grieve versions of ourselves. If we take myself as an example, I had envisioned being married and being a mother at this point in my life. That isn’t where I am in my life. I have a wonderful, very full life. I am quite comfortable and happy and grateful for where I am. I had to come to terms with, “Maybe that’s not quite happening to me how I had envisioned it.” I know I’m not alone in that kind of grieving for the person you thought you were going to be.
That happens a lot, not just with parenthood. “I aspire to be a doctor, and I’m not.” Sitting with the discomfort, I love how you frame that. You didn’t frame it like, “I’m a victim. Woe was me.” You also framed it in gratitude. “I’ve had a great life. I’m pleased with where I am.” One very important thing that you can do is to surround yourself with the right tribe. There are people who will amplify that feeling of grief and loss.
Every time you’re around them, “When are you having kids? Is there some man in your life?” Setting boundaries around people poking around in your business because sometimes, you have those conversations. You know when they’re happening. You know they’re happening at the family reunion. You know they’re going to happen at Christmas and Thanksgiving. Kindly, gently, or not so gently, setting some parameters around, “This isn’t anything I’m going to discuss.” People won’t amplify that.
I like where you went with gratitude in that. Especially if you have married friends, they will help you get rid of that. When they tell you about all the woes of marriage and whatnot. You all heard me singing my husband’s praise. I do not want you to think that every day is a cakewalk. Certainly, some friend, who is single, has heard me sing some woe about discussing money matters. Hearing my husband say, “I don’t think it’s a good idea at this time” I’m like, “It’s wonderful to be single.” The people around you will tell you, “You have a great life. You can go through the airport without three kids tagging along. You can get through security quickly.”
Get hosed up at the bar? Maybe.
There you go.
Surround yourself with great people who will also be your hype women. God knew what was best. It may come or whatever. The other piece is giving yourself permission to sometimes, on Mother’s Day, grieve. I’ll tell you something. As I’m thinking about telling you this, I’m thinking, “Don’t tell them that, Rhonda.” I remember being wrecked with pain in my body. Having decisions around my uterus that I had no longer intended to use because of my age. I was holding on to that uterus that would’ve given me all kinds of grief. I wanted the option to use. Every year, I said I didn’t want to use.
Sometimes, grieving the hysterectomy, having a toxic relationship with your mother or your father, or no relationship with your father on Father’s Day, those things. If we are not intentional about our healing and intentional about going through that with grace, we will screw up royally. For that, I say, “Get a therapist and get a journal.”
If we are not intentional about our healing, we will screw up royally. Share on XThat was beautiful from both of you guys. I was going to ask about dealing with some of the grief. Hopefully, we can get to a little bit brighter talking points. Grief is what we are living with every day. I’m in the sandwich generation. Not from a parent that has lost, but I have lost some of the relationship because of where they are.
It’s an interesting place to be because it changes your life. You are grieving some of what your normalcy was and the trajectory that you thought you were on. There’s a wrench in the plan and you have to re-navigate. There are things when people are hurting or ill. Behaviors that they may have that are not as friendly and not as kind. It’s navigating all of those feelings. I was wanting to ask you what your thoughts are in terms of dealing with it. I love the therapy.
Delegating, Journaling, And Other Practices To Deal With Grief
We talk about counseling and therapy on this show as a regular form of self-care, and journaling. I’m going to take this moment to bring up your book. We’re going to talk about that a little bit later. I would just love to know what your thoughts are. We talk about journaling all the time. What does it look like? What would be a simple 1, 2, 3, this is what I recommend, you’re dealing with grief and here’s an exercise that I could give you?”
First, tell us the name of your book. Where can we buy the book?
You can find Take 5! Pathway to Peace: A 40-Day Journaling Experience on Amazon. You can type in Dr. Rhonda Mattox. That’s the only book I’ve written. It’s the only one out there. You can also go to RhondaMattox.com and order it from me, if you’d like an autographed copy. I would say the two things that I wanted to speak to.
One is, when you were navigating caregiving duties, to work with others to delegate some things. Hire out some things if you can. Have your siblings, if you have siblings, or aunts, or sisters, or a CNA, come in and sit with them so that you can get out. If you don’t feel that you have the financing for that, if there’s some things that they have that you can barter with. You cook meals for them for a week if that’s your thing. Something that you can exchange with someone who is safe and has been vetted to live with your parent.
On the journaling side, the Take 5 is take five minutes. We are so busy. I’m not encouraging you to sit and spend 30 minutes. I just say, “Take five minutes.” I always start at the back of the book because that’s where I write down my ten things that I’m grateful for. I start at the back of the book, writing my gratitude, what I’m thankful for. I’m going to tell you. That releases endorphins because I’m remembering stuff.
Throughout my day, I’m thinking, “I’m going to put that in the book.” Someone buys me a cup of coffee, or something happens or whatever. They are people who are making it to the book. It’s my opportunity to celebrate. We accomplish so much on a daily basis that we forget about because we’re going to the next best thing. It is my celebration of me. “You did that.” Small things like I got to park in the front. It didn’t have to be big. I’d start with that.
Oftentimes, I will journal right after I finish praying. It is because many times, we don’t treat prayer like its communication. We say, “I want this. I want that.” We treat prayer like we’re writing a Santa Claus list. True prayer is like a two-way street. After I pray, I like to just sit still for a few minutes. See what downloads in my spirit. I’ll write it down.
Often, what downloads in my spirit are strategies that give me time, takes stress off my plate, and ways to deal with people that I didn’t even know how to deal with. Right afterwards, it’s like this wash over of, “God, you are the bomb. I wouldn’t have come up with that.” The other thing is, in the journal, it’s five pieces. It’s not a journal like what you think.
If you have anxiety, this is how you structure, “I’m having these symptoms.” If you’ve had an anxiety attempt, “This is what happened beforehand.” You can get to the root of your anxiety instead of just, “I’m anxious.” There’s the regular, what you think of as journaling, the lines. We’ll have guided prompts. If you’re struggling like, “I don’t even know. I don’t have anything to be thankful for.” Don’t worry. The guided prompt will give you something to be thankful for.
You just brain dump. Before you go to bed and you’re like, “I need to do this.” Brain dump, put it all in there. There are a number of different ways to approach it. I tend to start with gratitude at the very back of the book. Thinking about it, maybe I should have put the gratitude at the front of the book. I figured you all wouldn’t get to the back of the book if I put the other stuff there.
How To Do Journaling With A Heart Of Gratitude
I love that. Starting at the back of the book, that is a good pearl and certainly, your book Take 5! Pathway to Peace. What I want to know, Rhonda. If someone is feeling overwhelmed, you mentioned gratitude, beginning and ending. Is there one other takeaway that they can also implement?
Not with a journal, but with something else?
Yes, or with a journal.
I would say if you’ve been doing the journal for a while, go back and look at what you’ve written. When you start looking at what you’ve written that you’re thankful for, it’ll make you smile. For me, when I’m not feeling well, it’s counterintuitive. I like to be in nature. I like to take nature walks or whatever.
When you start looking at what you have written that you are thankful for, it will make you smile. Share on XWhen you don’t feel well, sometimes you don’t have any energy. You’re like, “I don’t want to do that. I don’t feel like it.” Press your way. There’s something about being with nature that helps you see this big thing that you think is big in your head is not. When you’re walking, or you’re running, or you’re cycling, or you’re doing something. It just brings you back to yourself. I’m going to tell you what I like to do. I told you what good doctor answers are. Let me tell you what Rhonda likes to do.
That’s what we want to know.
Two things. I like to put on a good line dance song and then try to practice that line dance song. This Black girl cannot dance. I want to look like I can dance at the family reunion. The other thing is, I will put on comedy. I don’t want to hear all the garbage comedy that’s out there. There’s something called Dry Bar. They don’t curse and make lewd stuff in their comedy. I want to laugh. I can be crying while someone is grieving. Putting on that comedy just gets the laughter. Laughter does good like medicine. One of my best things to tell you is go find somebody that is going to make you laugh and then do this thing.
Tell me where you find Dry Bar. In Netflix, I can get something comedy. Sometimes, it’s hit or miss.
It’s an app. They don’t make TVs like they used to. You got to go to Hulu and Netflix. I can’t find anything on there. I don’t know how I found Dry Bar. I’m just going to say it was gift from God or something. Dry Bar Comedy is the one.
We’ll figure it out. I love the piece to go back to the gratitude journals. The extra piece you added going back through your journal. I did that and you, sometimes, just realize how far you’ve come. Even though you may be in that moment of woe is me. I look back a year from where I am and how much I’ve grown. That alone is more to be grateful for. I like that idea.
I saw a journal from when I was in college. When I was in college, I was praying for furniture. Not fancy Havertys furniture, but furniture. I was thanking God for the gas in my car. I bought four boxes of cereal that were name-brand because they were on sale. I said to myself, “You have come up.”
“Never thought there was a day.”
“Four name-brand cereal without a coupon? You have really come up.” I’m telling you, that gratitude. Go back and look at some of those college journals. You will feel better.
Silence As A Powerful Survival Strategy
You talked about walking in nature. That brings up a topic I wanted to talk about in terms of silence. You talk about silence as being a survival strategy and how powerful it can be. Not necessarily a weakness, but as something learned, something protective. When does it stop being protective and start becoming harmful? Particularly women, we have a tendency to be more silent in situations where perhaps someone else would have been vocal.
There are times when we learn that our voice is unsafe. For instance, you’re at work. You give some feedback. You think that they wanted your feedback because they asked for it. It turns out they didn’t. You find yourself being penalized and punished for having a voice and for speaking what you thought they wanted to. I often see women and people of color who will learn to say nothing at the table because they said something in the meeting. No one acknowledged that they said it. A few seconds later, someone else said it.
The exact same thing.
Dr. Morris, you heard me. It was brilliant. People will start to mum’s the word. You start to resent the place that you’re in. For me, when those kinds of things happen, number one, I’d like to know, “Is this legitimate or am I amplifying this because of something else?” Sometimes it’s the straw that broke the camel’s back. I’m taking it out on folks. “Is this something that has been a pattern with these individuals? Does it make sense for me to have a pull aside? I sense there’s something going on between us.” Have that question.
Sometimes, we’ve had this happen for so long in our lives. It’s just like, “I need this job. My kids in college got to get them out of college. I’m just going to hush.” Your body starts to respond. You start to have headaches. You start to have ulcers. You start to have all kinds of things. You know it’s not safe when your body gets involved.
I’ve had people tell me their hair has fallen out. Folks get panic attacks when they go to work. When it starts to impact your health, yes. Long before it impacts your health, it impacts your spirit. You see that spark leaving your eye and that zest for life. You’re self-soothing with my favorite ice cream. You’re self-soothing with food. You’re letting yourself go.
Those are some other clues. Certainly, if you’re in a position where you hate your job, but you feel like you need it. That is a great time to have some Emancipation Circle. Three of my friends that I like talk about it. Therapy, journaling, and certainly, exercise. Get moving. Let me not say exercise. Let me say movement. You’re going to be lying in.
Love movement. That’s our favorite. Thank you.
How Leaders Should Let All Voices Be Heard
You have worked across media and policy, as well as corporate spaces, helping organizations understand their voice in psychological safety. When it comes to leadership, and certainly, there are lots of examples of leadership. What are leaders still getting wrong when it comes to creating environments where there is psychological safety and people feel safe to speak?
When you are a leader, you should want to hear the quietest voice in the room, the person who’s not talking. You should cultivate giving them a place where they can talk. If they have anxiety and they don’t want to talk in front of others, cultivate an opportunity where you can hear their voices. Many times, there is brilliance brewing there. You are missing out on multimillion-dollar opportunities to either leverage their voice and learn how to do things more efficiently.
Making sure that all the voices in the room are heard. We hear a lot about code switching. Creating spaces where people can bring more of their authentic self to work. You can hear about how they see the world. They may be able to get you into another market of their world when you start to hear what is important to them and other people who are like them.
Businesses need to understand that you are missing out on valuable markets and efficiency and productivity when you have to be the right. You can’t hear from those that you surrounded yourself with. Staying curious, even if you know something. Not just, “I already know that.” That has shut down more conversations that could have made people money.
Even if I know something, I love hearing how my daughter got to that. I’m curious, “How did you arrive at that decision?” Many times, when I’m listening to how she arrived at that decision. I’m just sitting back amazed at how brilliant she is. Understanding that sometimes brilliance sounds different. It can still make you money. Sometimes, brilliance sounds uncomfortable and it is still the right thing to do. Only because it didn’t come from you does not make it less than.
Sometimes, brilliance sounds different and feels uncomfortable. But it is still the right thing to do. Share on XWe’re talking about curiosity, silence, and when to speak up. Many of the women that read our show are very much like you. They’re high functioning, high achieving, they’re doing all the things. How does emotional suppression show up in populations that might not be obvious? What are some of the early warning signs that someone’s just carrying too much and doing it quietly?
Slow check-out, quietly quitting. “I am tired.” Many times, the morale goes down. I’m a rate buster. I’m going to say it like that. I come in. If you are someone who does the bare minimum, I make you feel uncomfortable because I am too much. When the people that you have made feel uncomfortable start trying to discredit you.
You were making them look lazy or whatever. They don’t step up their game frequently. They try to challenge you, discredit you, fault-find, and get manipulative. People will fall back. You will see people falling back. You will see the spark leaving. You will see the ideas suppressed. There are people in the room who could outperform.
I talked with someone who was in research. One person who is bringing more people into those research studies than her entire team, managers included. They’re trying to discredit her. If there’s one group of people who know about this more than anybody else, what group of people is that?
Black women.
We are not impressed by mediocrity because we have been taught. We need to be ten times as good to be thought half as talented. We’re not impressed by mediocrity. We bring that to the room. That makes people uncomfortable. What I’m going to tell you is to begin to get your LLCs, your S-Corps, and start some businesses. If you need to know how to market your voice and get in your impact zone, I’m the coach for you.
Where can they find you?
They can find me at RhondaMattox.com. They can find me on LinkedIn as Dr. Rhonda Mattox. Certainly, the people on this show can direct you to me. DrRhondaMattox.org, you got it locked down. I’m on Facebook and Instagram as Dr. Rhonda Mattox.
Getting Rid Of All The Unimportant Things
Before we let you go, Dr. Rhonda, for the woman that’s reading who’s feeling stretched, or quieted, or maybe is quiet-quitting at work. What’s one thing you want her to know?
I want you to know that you’re not alone. It’s not in your head. You’re not imagining this. What you’re experiencing is very real. If you’re a person of faith, I invite you to whisper a prayer. In a multitude of counselors, there’s safety. Whisper a prayer that you would gain insight into the right therapist or right psychiatrist to connect with so that you feel heard and seen. You can go to PsychologyToday.com and type in your zip code. You’ll see people from therapists or counselors or what have you that accept those insurances that are in your area. Begin to think about what one or two things you can take off your plate that are draining you. Use ChatGPT.
Claude, or Perplexity.
“Act as a person who is resigning from this committee, draft a letter to the company explaining that. Include three rebuttals just for posterities.” Take that and start taking yourself off of some things that are not important to you anymore.
Start taking yourself off some things that are no longer important to you. Act as if you are a person resigning from a company. Share on XThat was powerful. Great instruction. Great advice. We will be writing all that.
That kind of power doesn’t just sit with you. It stays with you.
Get In Touch With Dr. Rhonda
Dr. Mattox, we cannot thank you enough for your honesty as always, your transparency as always, your wisdom, and for continuing to create space for women to find and use their voices.
Dr. Rhonda, please tell us again where they can find your book and where they can find you.
Take 5! Pathway to Peace: A 40-Day Journaling Experience, which is not just a journal, but a whole experience. You can find that on Amazon by typing in Dr. Rhonda Mattox and Take 5. You can go to RhondaMattox.com and hit Shop. You can buy the book there. You can also follow me on Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, and TikTok. Thank you.
Thank you so much. To everyone reading, if this conversation resonated with you, don’t keep it to yourself. Share it. Send it to someone who needs it. We definitely would love you to like, subscribe on all the streaming platforms, as well as YouTube. Subscribe there. You can stay abreast of all the great women and the voices and stories such as Dr. Mattox that we have to share.
Everyone, go and google TEDx Rhonda Mattox: You Should No Better because you and all their friends need that talk. You can gain strategies for saying no and being strategic about your yes without guilt.
I just have to add and echo that, Dr. Mattox. Obviously, you’ve been a friend of the show. We’ve been friends for a while and we’re blessed. Your message is everything that we’ve heard all in one sitting. It’s worth listening to and taking notes too. We can’t encourage our readers to take the time to listen to the TEDx and be inspired, for sure.
You should know Dr. Rhonda Mattox from TEDx. If there’s something in this episode that’s challenged you, sit with it. That’s where the growth begins.
Until next time on Boss Leap. May you be well.
May you be well.
Important Links
- Dr. Rhonda Mattox
- Dr. Rhonda Mattox
- Dr. Rhonda Mattox on LinkedIn
- Dr. Rhonda Mattox on Facebook
- Dr. Rhonda Mattox on Instagram
- Dr. Rhonda Mattox on TikTok
- Take 5! Pathway to Peace: A 40-Day Journaling Experience
- TEDx Rhonda Mattox: You Should No Better
- Boss Leap Podcast on YouTube
- Dry Bar Comedy on YouTube
About Dr. Rhonda Mattox
Hi, I’m Dr. Rhonda Mattox. At my core, I’m a woman of faith who believes peace is possible even in a chaotic world. I wear many hats—wife, mother, psychiatrist, speaker, author, coach, consultant, and encourager. Yet, one of the roles I value most highly is helping people lay down the heavy mask of perfection and step into the freedom God intended for them.
I know what it feels like to be a public success while silently feeling like a private failure. I know what it’s like to hear the words, “Mommy, I hate you!” just moments before walking into a room full of parents expecting me to teach them how to build strong relationships with their children. I know what it’s like for others to assume I have it all together—the degrees, the career, the smile—while inside I was exhausted, anxious, and quietly crumbling. They thought they wanted what I had, and truthfully, I didn’t even want what I had. Behind closed doors, I had to do the hard work of examining myself. I had to gather what I call my Joy Wellness Team—my psychiatrist, my pastor, my pup, my emancipation circle, family, and friends. And at the center of it all was my journal. That journal became my safe place.
I’ve spent my career walking alongside high-achievers, faith leaders, and everyday women who silently carry the weight of the world while making it look effortless. I know that struggle intimately, because I’ve carried it too. That’s why I’m so passionate about creating spaces where we can be real, breathe deeply, and reclaim rest without guilt.