Authenticity and connection are at the heart of this inspiring conversation with Dr. Sylvia Morris, Dr. Angela Walker, and their guest, Felicia Fair. Together, they dive into the importance of genuine relationships, the emotional journey of caregiving, and the courage to embrace vulnerability. Felicia shares her powerful experiences as a beauty pageant participant and caregiver, highlighting the value of self-reflection and letting go of relationships that no longer serve us. Whether you’re seeking deeper connections or navigating life’s challenges, this episode offers heartfelt insights and encouragement to live authentically.
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Finding Strength Through Authenticity And Connection: Felicia Fair’s Story Of Resilience
Welcome back to the show. Angela, let’s talk about being seen. Tell me how you like to be seen and what that means to you.
It means so many things. To me, I love being seen as authentic, honest, and kind. My MO is trying to be kind to others and treating others how they like to be treated. We’re going to be completely transparent. It’s nice to be acknowledged for that.
You are all of those things.
Thank you. I like to be seen as someone that you can go to with confidence that whatever you have to say will be kept between the two of us and that I will give you my honest answer and support. I haven’t really thought a whole lot about other ways I want to be seen other than being myself and true. How about you, Sylvia?
I love your answer. For me, being seen is a feeling. It is a feeling of a spirit-to-spirit connection. I think of it as authenticity. When I think about the times in which I feel seen, like when I’m with you and the girls and I am my most authentic self, I think about it with people who I may not know who come up to me and may say, “I saw you on this. You did a great job.”
An elderly gentleman came up to me. I was a moderator. He said to me, “You were superb.” It was the way in which he said superb. You don’t hear that word very often. I really felt seen because my intention of being the moderator on that panel was so that each panelist could shine and that I could get out of the way. I know that he saw me doing my best. That’s how I think about being seen.
Our guest is a beauty queen. She was in a beauty pageant. Although she didn’t win, I know that she’s the beauty queen in my humble opinion. That’s the reason why I wanted us to talk about being seen. Sometimes, as women, we are viewed and not seen. Meaning, we’re objectified and it’s about how round your hips are, how big your boobs are, and all of those things.
To be truly seen, seen, I feel that that’s a spirit connection. People can let us know what they think by emailing us or in the comments. Let’s move on to our guest for this episode. We have Felicia Fair. She is a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a caregiver, and a beauty queen. Felicia is a bright light. I’ve known her for many moons, and we will get into that. Her laughter is what I think about when I think about Felicia.
Felicia Fair, welcome to the show.
I’m honored and excited at the same time. I’ve been thinking about it as long as I knew about it. I’m excited to be here, talk, and all that jazz.
Growing Up, Connecting With Others, And Finding Herself
I want to know all about you. Your life path has been fascinating. Tell us about what it was like growing up and what you wanted to do when you were a young girl.
I am the third child of my mom. There’s a 10 and 11-year gap. I went to Faith Lutheran, a Christian school, for kindergarten 1st and 2nd, and then I found my mother found Englewood Christian. From 3rd to 8th grade, I was there. For me, it was an amazing time in my life, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I learned so much from teachers, students, and friends. I’m amazed at how we can find one another. We may not talk every day every year, but we can find one another and we know what each other is doing. It was exciting.
Felicia, you’re the glue for all of us because you are the center and you’re connected to everyone. There are people that I may not speak to at all but you’re connected to them and then I’m connected to you. You’re the glue for our class at Englewood Christian.
I’ve heard that.
It’s true.
It’s natural. I didn’t think about that. I love connections, I love authenticity, and I love the fact that we can come together because we were each other’s firsts in a lot of ways. We watched each other grow. I think about things and I don’t know if I can say it here, but it’s so funny.
You could say anything you want here.
We watched each other’s boobs grow. I remember moments in the bathroom, like, “Oh my gosh.”
Also, the training bras. You were the bee’s knees when you got your training bra.
That’s so special to me. It makes me feel like though time is in between, we can always come back together. If something didn’t go right, we can share that with one another. That’d be a good answer for me with that.
That’s an excellent connection.
Felicia, what did you want to be when you grew up? I have always wanted to be a doctor. I let the whole world know that. What did you dream of being?
Believe it or not, all through elementary and junior high at Englewood Christian, I wanted to be a psychologist.
That’s so perfect.
I wrote that down in our eighth grade, whatever that was.
Our yearbook?
We had a packet, which I still have.
They had our photos and stuff in it. That wasn’t like a yearbook situation?
We did have a yearbook, but then we had something else we made. It was really cute because a lot of us did what we said we were going to do. That’s what I wanted to do. Life took a turn, but I wanted to be a psychologist because I’m amazed at people and the way they think and I always want to help people.
It sounds like you’ve done a lot of that.
I call myself a hood psychologist.
The Important People And Lessons That Shaped Her Life
I like that. Tell us about the important people in your life.
I thought about that question. The important people would be my mom, who’s still with us, my grandmother, my mom’s mom, who lived to be 100, and my spiritual mom, Audrey, who came along when I was about 25 or 26. Those are the first three. I have several others, but those are the ones that stick out from the very beginning when I thought about the question.
What lessons did you learn?
From my mom, what I learned is she’s a quiet little storm, which I am not. She is very organized. She took care of business. In hindsight, I can say she kept us safe. She did what she needed to do. I lived in one home my entire youth and growing up until she moved out here in San Bernardino County when I was 33. It was safe and secure. She would tell me things that I didn’t always listen to, but now, I can hear them and I’m like, “She was right.”
My grandmother, who had only had a sixth-grade education, was remarkable in the way she cooked and the way she handled things. I grew up with her at home, so it was my mom and my grandmother. The way they meshed together. Grandma took care of the home. Monday through Friday, my mom worked, and then on the weekends, my mom would take over. I never heard an argument or anything. It was so neat.
That’s beautiful.
Then comes along my spiritual mom, Audrey. I met her when I was about 25. I moved into a complex. She has guided me through all of my drama and all of my traumas and given me inspirational thoughts and food for thought from a biblical perspective. I have worn her out over the years. Those are the ones that have shaped my life. I have several, but those three.
A follow-up question on your spiritual mom, you mentioned trauma, which we don’t talk about a lot as women to our families and amongst ourselves but is so important because that’s how a lot of our lives are formed, whether we are able to recover from that and move on from those things. It sounds like you had a true sisterhood or she was like a mother to you. In what way did she help you through those? This is so that we can be that for someone else if they’re going through hard times.
I saw her walking up the long walkway. She had this blonde hair. I was like, “Who’s coming in here?” Anytime I had an issue with friendship or a man in my life, one in particular that was a wave of seventeen years in and out, she would guide me along. She would tell me this and tell me that, but I didn’t listen. I didn’t take the advice and let it move through my life.
We need to listen to our elders. Share on XThis is the thing about elders. We need to listen to our elders. She had gone through almost everything I was going through because I was in my mid-twenties when I met her. Some things I listened to and I said, “Let’s try that,” and most I did not. It was mostly relationships, to be honest, because I sometimes didn’t understand, “Why would they do that? Why would they do this? Why are they doing that to me?”
I needed her to give me an answer, and she would. She would give her best answer. I used to tell her, “You’re the next best thing to Jesus.” We’re still very close. She’s 77. I don’t need her as much anymore, but she really got me through some times when I probably would’ve done something the opposite of what she told me to do or not to do.
It sounds like she listened. She gave advice from her experiences. I don’t hear that she chastised you or lectured you but more offering, “This is what I know. This is what I’ve experienced. Take what you want from that.”
With a sweet-sounding voice. I said, “Jesus gave you the sweetest voice.” She never judged me, and she should have.
That’s beautiful.
Sometimes, when we’re given advice, if I am not in the place in which I can receive and act on it, I hear you but I don’t have the wherewithal to make that happen. It’s like, “You did tell me that. Now I understand.” Oftentimes, we have to go through it on our path because it is our path. It is wonderful to have those people in our lives who are there no matter what. Certainly, for me, it was always my mom, Uncle William, and Shirley. Knowing that I have those people and that sometimes I may falter but they’re still present is the gift.
I agree, Sylvia.
Navigating The Highs And Lows Of Motherhood
Felicia, you’re a mom to two children. Can you tell us what motherhood has taught you?
My story, which I don’t know if you knew this, Sylvia, but I wanted ten kids.
I did not know that.
I wanted ten kids up until probably my early 30s and I realized that was not going to work. I dropped down to five and it still didn’t work. I wanted a bunch of grandkids because I grew up lonely. I was an only child. I have two. My son is 34 and my daughter is 19, so there’s a huge gap. I almost ended up with just one. It has been a journey, mine in particular because my son’s father passed away in a car accident when he was 21 and I was 22. My son was only eleven months old.
I cannot imagine.
I can’t either.
As I said, the trauma and drama in my life. That alone was something. I had known him since high school because we were friends first. That was very hard. I was talking about this. I didn’t look at us as a family or that we were a family because there were only two of us. No dad, no other kids. It was me and Nate. I would go to other people and mesh myself in their family, so to speak. On Friday nights, I’d go to my friend’s place and we’d have dinner. We’re not a family, so why would I cook? In hindsight, it was not good, but that’s what I thought. We navigated through that. I did well with him financially. I was all right. He went to Englewood Christian, Sylvia, for two years.
That’s crazy.
Two years, kindergarten and first grade, and then he went on to a public school. He was a boy. I remember trying to be a father and a mother at the same time. If he would fall when he was young and he would cry, the mother in me would say, “Come on,” but I was scared. I’d be like, “Get up. You’ll be okay,” when that’s not what I wanted to do but I didn’t know exactly how to navigate that. That happened.
There was a time when he was eleven years old. My family had moved to San Bernardino County and I was still in LA. The school districts were better. They weaseled me into agreeing he would move out here because she had boys and that he would stay with her during the week and go to school. I said, “Okay.” It wasn’t that tough necessarily during that time because of the kind of job that I had, I could come out as much as I wanted. I was very involved with this schooling.
In hindsight with the things that I know now, I wish he had stayed with me because there were things that I didn’t necessarily see then that probably wouldn’t have happened if he was with me, if that makes sense. I’ll put a pin in that for the moment. As far as my daughter goes, this is an interesting story. I have a very colorful life. I was living in Englewood and I met my neighbor’s neighbor. That’s what he was like. It was a house in-between. I married him within two months of knowing him.
You fell in love. That’s what happened. You fell in love and it was a good idea at the time. We recover from those good ideas.
Authentically truthful, I was 35. Remember, I wanted a lot of kids. I had one. He asked on a Friday and we got married on a Monday because I was like, “I got to have some kids.” That’s how my daughter came about. As soon as I married him, it was pretty much over because I discovered things, so I was a single woman again. This time was a little different. I’m older so I’m like, “I know that we are family and I know that I’m a mom to my daughter.” It’s been challenging. Financially, I wasn’t in the same spot, but my family helped me. It’s highs and lows with motherhood. It’s highs and lows but I wouldn’t change it for anything. I did my best.
That’s the point. Motherhood is about doing the best that you can with the information that you have at that time. We’re all going to be able to reflect and hear things. Our kids tell us later about their experiences. I know for me, I had no idea. There are things that you may have heard from other adults, church, and school, and things that formed them for the good or bad that you were not aware of. At those times, you’re doing your best with what you have at that time.
Felicia, I want to thank you so much for being candid. It is hard to say, “I needed to pivot from that relationship.” The fact that you were able to navigate that very quickly and say, “I need to change from this.” A lot of people get into stuff and we stay married to it literally and figuratively and stay stuck because either we cannot admit to ourselves that we’ve made a mistake, because we all make mistakes, or we become committed to changing ourselves, our situation, or the person. Usually, it’s a person. We know we can’t change people so we stay in those situations unhappy. I want to thank you for saying, “I needed to change my situation in order to move forward.” That takes courage. That is a boss leap move. Thank you.
Can I add one little thing to that?
Absolutely.
People get embarrassed. I don’t live in that embarrassment zone. Once I realized I made a huge mistake, I said, “I made a huge mistake. You can say what you want, but I’m out. I’m not going to torture myself in something that is unhealthy,” and then I’ve moved on. It wasn’t easy because he did do some things that were ridiculous, but I did it. I went to therapy too. Let me add that.
That is important. I also know that sometimes, when we even say, “I made a mistake,” to our friends and family, they are not in that receptive area to support us in that and help us move forward as opposed to, “If you hadn’t done X, Y, and Z, you wouldn’t be here.”
It could also be, “I told you so.”
That takes courage. I really appreciate how you’re like, “I don’t live in embarrassment.” You’re onto the next thing.
Thank you.
Advice To Younger Self: Embracing Authenticity And Growth
What advice would you give to your younger self? We are in the auntie age. You’re a grandma. We will get to that. What advice would you give to your 22-year-old self?
I’ll go back a little bit backward. I should have gone to Howard. That’s where I wanted to go. That was a school I knew about. I wanted to go to Howard. I should have gone away to college.
Can I ask why you did not, if you want to share?
Sure. I’m an open book. I’ll tell you why. I left private school. I wanted to go but I didn’t pass the entrance exam. I passed St. Mary and I didn’t like it. I didn’t do well. My mother was sick of me. She was like, “What do you want to do?” I said, “I want to see boys and I want to go to a public school.” I would tell anyone who’s reading that if you’re in private school up until high school, you better make sure that your child can handle the change because I lost my mind. The work was very easy, so that was not the problem. I got caught up with the wrong people so my grades were not good. I said, “That’s it. I’ll go get a job.”
My mother was so disgusted. She said, “Do you want a car or do you want me to pay for college?” I said, “Give me a car.” She was like, “You have to go to work.” I was like, “Okay.” That’s what happened. I don’t have many regrets but that is one of them. Being Englewood Christian, they set us up to thrive and make it and I took it for granted. That is a regret, but you move on. That was a school, Howard. I didn’t know about Hampton but I knew about Howard, so I was on my way.
This is to go on and say I would tell my younger self, “You should go to college.” A lot of the things that bothered me, like certain ways I looked, when clothes fit, and all those things, did not matter. You’re stuck right there thinking, “This is it.” You have so much life to live that the majority of that stuff does not matter. I would tell myself that.
You’re right. Something that Sylvia said is people can say that to you but you have to be able to receive it. All of us at that age probably wouldn’t have received it very well. The important part is they hear it because eventually, it does sink in. It’s still important for us as women, mothers, grandparents, and aunties to say it because they might not receive it at the moment. It’s still important that it was heard so that when they’re at that point where they can receive it, they’ve been exposed to that. If we could all have learned that at an earlier age. I completely agree.
In elementary school, it was such a small environment that everything, at least in my opinion, seemed to be bigger. I probably was one of the tallest people in the class so I always felt like I was the biggest person. You carry that with you for a long time until you look back. I’m like, “I was tall and thin.” All of that stuff sticks with you. I agree, Angela. Affirming the young people in our lives and encouraging them to be most authentic and to continue to shine their light.
Sylvia said she was the tallest. This is eighth grade-ish. I knew you were taller than me but I thought I was too. Do you want to know something else, to be truly transparent? I thought everybody looked better than me. Everybody was thinner. They looked better in their clothes. I didn’t show it. I had the thought of, “Never let them see you sweat,” but I’ve thought about it for years.
You felt it inside.
You are not so alone. It’s the angst also of being a preteen or tween at that point. You compare yourself to everyone else. I know I wasn’t necessarily the standard of beauty, so all of that craziness is going on in my little pea brain.
Stepping Into The Bald And Beautiful Pageant
You have come full circle, Felicia. I’d like to hear about how you’ve gone from that young girl to stepping into the Bald and Beautiful Pageant. Is that the name of the pageant?
Yes.
You went from that young girl thinking what you were thinking then to this pageant woman. Tell us about that experience, how it came about, and what it was like for you.
I was on Facebook and saw this. I’m like, “What can I do to enter this?” Let me go back to say that the reason why I am bald is a form of alopecia. It’s a struggle. I said, “Forget it. I’m going to shave it all off.” I did that in 2020. I went on live and did it too. I did it while I was on Facebook Live. 2020 was something. We were all holed up, so I was like, “I’m going to shave it.” I shaved it off right in front of everybody.
That’s so brave.
I saw that and I said, “Let me apply.” It was back in March of 2024. You had to do a couple of things, not much because everything was via Zoom. I was selected. There were 25 that were selected out of which I forgot the amount. At the very end of it, it was about fifteen of us that went through the whole field. It was in Dallas, Texas.
I did it because as women, we struggle. Especially as we get older, things change. Our hair thins. Our looks aren’t the same. Wrinkles come. There are all these things. I said, “I’m going to do it. It sounds fun.” I needed a break and I full-on did it.
You looked beautiful. I was so excited. You would’ve thought I was like a pageant queen. It was amazing. I’m so proud of you. I’m sorry. I had to get that out.
By doing that, it was not only the actual pageant. It was more so about women coming together and showing that there’s a different standard of beauty. It’s not this and that. It can be what you want to be. In that, where I was so humbled was my friendships and my loved ones and how they supported me even financially. This gets me a little emotional.
Sylvia was one of them. You don’t know this. She had said, “I want to support you.” You could support if you wanted. I was prideful and didn’t realize how prideful I was. I’m like, “I’m not going to ask anybody.” Sylvia had asked about it and I said, “It is going to be on paper or something. I’m going to send it to you,” and I never did. Sylvia said, “Did you have the pageant? I still want to support you.” It was 30 days later. I said, “Let me stop being prideful,” so I sent her the information. She was the first one to bless and it trickled on down. I cannot tell you how blessed I was with clothing. Everything that I wore in that pageant other than the red dress, I was gifted.
That’s beautiful.
It was amazing. It truly humbled me because I’m usually the giver but I’m not in a situation to give. I can’t give like I want anymore, so that was a beautiful thing. It was wonderful. I’m still going to be involved in it. I’ll be back out there to help behind the scenes. It was a great experience.
Felicia, when I think of a classic beauty pageant, I know they don’t do swimsuits anymore but there’s always a question and answer and a talent. There’s where they walk the runway with a beautiful gown. Tell us a little bit more about the pageant. Was there a favorite part or was there a part that surprised you?
We did wear bathing suits.
You did? I didn’t know that.
I didn’t post mine. That’s why you didn’t.
I understand that. I don’t want me naked all out on the internet.
These women were so beautifully bold. They were in a two-piece. The average woman was probably 40 and up. I was like, “Oh my god.” My favorite part was you could do what you wanted to do talent. I didn’t finish my talent until probably a few minutes before I walked out. I used to do spoken words, so I wrote down something and then I sang a little bit. I made it up as I went.
Trust Him. He'll work it out. Share on XIt was only a few seconds but it was like ministering in a sense. I’m always wanting to uplift somebody. The way I did it was like, “You got to trust God,” and then I went into this song. It’s corny but not because I felt like somebody heard it. They’re probably in a moment where they weren’t feeling the best because maybe God let them down or whatever, but trust Him. He’ll work it out. That’s what I did. That was my favorite moment on a personal level. Being with those beauties was amazing. We bonded. We have a sisterhood and we met each other for a couple of days. We still have group meets and still celebrate one another. It was really an awesome time. That was my personal favorite.
That goes into what you were talking about, relationships and developing relationships. That is an example of how as we grow as women, as long as we stay open to learning more about others and allowing others to come into our lives after vetting appropriately, it makes your life richer and more beautiful. You took me back to a pageant that I did in college. That last-minute separation thing, I remember I wanted to sing. Mind you, I only sang in a choir. It was a Vanessa Williams song. I remember one of my friends. It was her and her boyfriend. I went over to their house and sang the song. They had their heads down. I remember her saying, “Was there anything else you wanted to try?”
Honesty and Friendship, right?
Exactly. I ended up dancing. I did a dance. That’s wonderful. I love that the pageants are not the classic ones that we saw when we were growing up, the winners that we typically saw when we were growing up, and the stories that come out of some of the newer pageants for us as we get older. It’s beautiful.
The Evolution Of Friendship: Forgiveness, Growth, And Intentional Connections
Felicia, we’ve known each other for 50 years. When you talked about being connected to people, I know that we always haven’t been in touch but have been peripherally in touch. It may have been at someone’s funeral, but that’s neither here nor there. We reconnected and I thought, “I remember how funny she is.” It’s your warmth that shines through. Talk to us about friendship and how it’s changed or evolved for you over the years.
Relationships are a thing for me because I love people, but then I want to choke them out. I’m glad you brought that up because that’s what happened. It was a homegoing. We drove together.
To the graveside ceremony.
It was a little deeper. We talked about that. You mentioned to me some feelings that you had. It blew me away because you can be in the same space and you feel this way and another person feels that way and you never talk about it. That can be in a little box in your heart for years and decades.
I can hold onto some stuff from 1976. That is my journey. To give some color around the conversation, as a kid, I always felt a little bit different. My mom was divorced. I was brown. I was tall. They didn’t like me. I wasn’t popular. I carried all that stuff with me. It really impacted my ability to be vulnerable and to have probably meaningful, deep relationships with other people from that time period because I was still holding on to stuff that was going on in the past. I’m so grateful that you and I had that moment as adults. I was like, “This is how I was feeling,” and you were like, “Really?” I was like, “Yeah.”
It’s a forgiveness journey for me. That is how I look at it. You helped me with that practice. I appreciate you giving me the space to evolve. Sometimes, we’re in that spot of, “This is what I was in 1980,” especially when you’ve known people for 50 years. You box them in or I box myself in and I’m like, “I’ve evolved and I’m this person now.” If you don’t feel like there’s space to grow, it’s like, “I don’t want to be retrospective. I don’t want to hang out or do any of these things.” That’s all my stuff, and then a lot of therapy and allowing people. Angela has hit me to a podcaster. I can’t think of the podcaster but she says the words, “Let them.”
It’s Mel Robbins.
Thank you. I let them and I also let myself be my most authentic self. Felicia, I have bled all into your time, so let’s continue talking about friendship.
I laugh at everything all the time, but some things are not always funny so it made me sit back.
That was your coping mechanism. As a 55-year-old woman, I can say that, but as a 10-year-old, you have no idea.
This is where I am. When you don’t mean to do something or you’re like, “That was not my intention,” wouldn’t you apologize or say, “That was not my intention. If you thought it was that, I didn’t mean that because I’m thinking this.” A lot of people don’t even have that. They don’t say, “That’s not what I meant,” or, “We were kids but it still hurt my feelings.” Why can’t you say, “Sorry,” or, “That’s not what I meant. I love you,” or whatever.
That’s where I am in my life. If I offend anyone purposely or not purposely, especially in friendship, I want us to be able to talk about it and communicate because that’s how you grow. I’m realizing that some people don’t want to communicate. I also want to say this. As my friendships are developing or I’m opening up to new friendships and new relationships, I’m realizing that as I have changed, some of the old ones, I may have known you all my life but you may not fit in my space anymore, not in my inner space. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you. It doesn’t mean that we don’t have a relationship. Your family, I don’t love them any less, but you might not fit and that’s okay.
For years, I felt like I had to keep everybody that I knew in my inner space no matter what. I was like, “If I know you, I’m loyal. You got to stay.” That’s my growth. I’m very intentional. That is my word for 2025 to be very intentional. I’m okay to say, “I don’t want you here.” It’s not in a nasty way, but it’s like, “You can’t come into my space like that.” I want people who celebrate me, not tolerate me in my space.
The Challenges And Rewards Of Caregiving For Aging Parents
I like that. That’s beautiful. Celebrating you, I’d like to hear what you do for self-care. What is your go-to? What’s your favorite? What’s your regimen? If you’re not practicing one that you like, what would you like it to look like?
When you are a caregiver, as a side note to that, you don't always take care of yourself even though you want to. Share on XSelf-care has morphed into other things because of my caregiving to my mom. I’m still trying to figure it out. When you are a caregiver, as a side note to that, you don’t always take care of yourself even though you want to. One of the things that is beautiful to me is solitude because I don’t get it. Sometimes, being in my car in the grocery store parking lot is the best self-care I can give myself. I’ll sit there sometimes for 30 minutes.
I love to talk. It is therapeutic for me to talk and get it out. That’s one. Also, massages, if I could have one three times a week, I would. It is very beneficial. I want to get back to reading because I usually fall asleep. I’m trying to read it at a certain time because it takes you away. I was a big reader when I was growing up. Now, I buy books, and then I start and I don’t finish.
They stack up. I really did want to get into this. I don’t want to go anywhere that you don’t want to go. A lot of women are in this position of being caregivers for their parents. Universally, what I hear is nobody told us about this part. They told us about having kids, taking care of kids, or maybe planning for yourself and your retirement, but not the part about taking care of your parents. Can you give us a little idea of what that’s been like for you and any pearls of wisdom that you’d like to share?
I have about a month of wisdom and pearls. I’ll start off with my dad in the sense that I was an only child on his end. He passed away years ago. I can’t believe that. The care that I gave him was going to the bank. One time, I did have to rush into the VA. I was checking on him. That was that care. That was it. My family on both sides lived very long and were pretty much healthy. I watched my mother care for my grandmother, but she was healthy. She passed in her sleep at 100.
We had no idea about sicknesses and things. My mother had dementia, a Lewy body at that. We didn’t know necessarily because she was a prideful woman. My sister was living with her at the time. My sister bought another house. I moved in because of her age. We didn’t want her to be by herself. She had an eye injury. We didn’t realize it was a part of dementia.
I’ll always remember the date. I moved in on December 31st, 2018. I turned 50 and I had a huge birthday party. It was like a wedding reception. I walked in on It’s My Time by Kelly Price. I was like, “I’m getting ready to get married, I’m going to live my life.” 30 days later, I came here and I have not been the same since. It is daunting. It is hard. It is heartfelt. It is a blessing. It is a lonely journey. Anything you can think of, you are probably going to go through it. Families are different, but I do hear more than not that even when you have family, siblings, or whatever, it usually falls on one person.
It takes one person to do all of the work.
I didn’t see that coming. My situation is that I’ve been angry with my siblings, I’ve been shocked, and I’ve been appalled. I’m being blatantly honest. My mother was the pillar of the family. She was a matriarch. She went without to make sure the family had, so I would’ve never thought that there would be days and weeks when no one would come around.
I always like to tell the full truth. My sister does come and help, but her helping and the way she comes is not the best. It could be much better so they wouldn’t fall on me. It’s physically, mentally, and financially hard. I was supposed to still be working at the time but this happened. I retired medically. Financially, it has been a struggle. I have a daughter. She was in ninth grade when we got here. I went through all the high school years with her being here and I was not able to do the things that I would normally do with her. Sometimes, I had to pay people to take her to school to dance and come back. It was all of those things.
Felicia, the reason I wanted to have you on is because I knew you would tell the truth. If you have a moment where you’re like, “Maybe we need to edit some out,” let me know.
I didn’t think you needed to. We’ve been through an experience where somebody was getting into their moment and they were sharing, and then they were like, “I don’t want to say this.” I wanted to make sure. My husband’s mom initially had an aneurysm and then lived for a long time with seizures. She ended up ultimately having a stroke.
They are five siblings. Initially, one of the siblings wanted to take care of her in the home. They transitioned the bathroom and everything to be handicapped, etc., and then she was like, “This is too much,” after spending all that money. They ended up having to find a facility. There’s one sister who was always going. Everybody shows what they are truly made of, what they can handle, and what they’re capable of. Clearly, you are the chosen one. With that comes a lot of responsibility. I hope you are taking care of yourself.
You lose yourself. I’m a little nutty. I was trying to be professional. I went to the doctor. I was like, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I was thinking, “Is it cancer?” The doctor was like, “There’s nothing. You’re stressed. You need to get a break.” I was like, “Okay.”
That’s real. You’ve heard it. For you to be a good caretaker, you’ve got to take care of yourself.
I don’t care, but I’m trying to be respectful. This is really what is going on. With my siblings, I realize, and I don’t like the word envy, but there’s this thing. They have the same father and I have a different father. I would’ve never thought that I was an issue for them. My sister and I used to do so many things. I thought we were the best of the best but matters of the heart came out.
As I say when somebody close to me is acting out, it’s them, not me. It’s so hard to get that in, but get it in and realize it’s them, not me. Some things you can change and others you can’t.
The first three years, I was like, “Why am I here? Where’s everybody?” It is what it is. I’m going to do the right thing because you never know what can happen. You can get in a car accident, God forbid, and then never see somebody again. You have to treat people well to the best of your ability. That’s my mantra.
It was so nice getting to know you. I look forward to meeting you in person.
Where do you live?
I’m here with Sylvia. I’m in Georgia.
I’m coming. I have family out there. It’s time to come.
You always have a place to stay here.
That’d be good because I’m not saying that my cousin’s because his wife gets a little drinky-drinky and turns into someone else.
I have a guest room for you.
Thank you. I’m humbled and honored.
Thank you.
If it matters to say how people will see you, I got a $1,000 check from a nonprofit, Mind What Matters. It’s from a lady from Nashville, Tennessee. I’m a caregiver. She thinks caregivers need relief. I wrote a little letter and she sent $1,000.
That’s so nice.
We talked and she liked me and my story. She bought my plane ticket and the hotel stay in February 2025. I’m going to speak.
In Nashville?
Nashville, Tennessee. Her nonprofit is Mind What Matters. She’s on everything, all the platforms.
May I offer a piece of advice?
Yes.
I would imagine it’s going to be taped, videoed, or whatever. Make sure you get a clip of that, and then you could put that on your Facebook page. Congratulations, Felicia.
Congratulations. That’s awesome. There’s going to be more of us out there that need to hear it.
We’re going to say goodbye to you, Felicia. Thank you.
Thank you.
Bye.
Angela, Felicia left us with so many pearls and wonderful experiences. Her transparency, candidness, and vulnerability are the things that I am most left with. You think you know someone because there’s been a long chronological connection with people, but it’s in these moments when you have an opportunity to talk with them one-on-one and to ask seemingly simple questions like, “What does friendship mean to you?” We learn so much. My heart is full. I have a lot of little things that she has left us with but it’s the totality of the interview that is going to really resonate with our audience. How are you feeling?
I agree with you completely. There was so much packed into this small amount of time and conversation. What struck me most was Felicia’s transparency. I connect with people that can be real and tell things like they are.
She’s unapologetic.
They’re unapologetic because it’s not something that they’re going to say behind your back. It’s the same thing that they’re telling you in front of your face. Being transparent is how we learn and grow from other people’s experiences. What I got from her was letting go and knowing when to let go of relationships that aren’t serving you well. She had the caveat that throwing somebody under the bus is not being hateful about it but putting them in the segment of, “You’re not in my inner circle anymore because it’s not necessarily good for me.” For me, what touched me the most, which we could have done a whole segment on, was sharing her experience as a caregiver.
We will in the future.
I wrote it down. She has a Facebook site called Caregivers Closet. As we move into this new phase of life, it’s so important to be able to share our stories with each other because it can be encouraging, as she feels like sometimes she’s doing this all on her own, to be able to share your experiences, talk about them, and be candid about all of it.
We wish her all the best in all that she’s doing. I truly believe what you give is what you get. She will be truly blessed for what she’s giving to her mom. I am full. This will fill me up until our next interview. I’m grateful for your friendship and your presence here as we are in 2025. To our audience, until next time. May you be well.
May you be well.
Important Links
- Felicia Flair on Facebook
- Caregivers Closet on Facebook
- Bald and Beautiful Pageant
- Mind What Matters
About Felicia Fair
I’m Felicia Fair. I’m 56 years old, a proud mother of two, and a grandmother of three. One of the most meaningful roles in my life is being a caregiver to my mom, Lovie. Caring for her has changed and impacted me in a way that I will be forever grateful. This six-year journey has been filled with both gains and losses that have shaped me indefinitely for the better. It has taught me about love, patience, resilience, and how to embrace myself in a new way.
Along the way, I’ve faced challenges with family dynamics and discovered the importance of self-care. I even participated in a Bald and Beautiful pageant, celebrating that beauty truly shines from the inside out. To support others on similar journeys, I created a private Facebook page called Caregiver’s Closet, a safe space where caregivers can share their deepest, most frustrating, happy, or sad moments without fear of judgment.
I enjoy helping people, chatting on the phone, and sharing the love and wisdom I’ve gained through caregiving. I believe in embracing life authentically and finding joy in every moment.