Setting boundaries is your guardrail to an emotionally healthy life—it’s time to stop pouring from an empty cup and embrace your “soft life.” In this second part of the Healthy Giving series, we welcome back Dr. Rhonda Mattox, a trusted advisor and go-to strategist. Drawing on her expertise as a psychiatrist and policy adviser in the U.S. House of Representatives, Dr. Mattox offers sage advice on recognizing when the “giver” mentality leads to emotional bankruptcy and resentment. She’ll show you how to use your voice—even scripting the tough conversations—to establish your own rules of engagement, prioritize your purpose, and finally ditch the “strong one” martyr identity.
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How To Set Boundaries Without Guilt: Dr. Rhonda Mattox On Healthy Giving & Self-Care (Part 2)
Welcome back to the show. I am Dr. Angela Walker, and I am here with my phenomenal co-host, Dr. Sylvia Morris. We are excited, as usual, to have one of our favorite guests back, Dr. Rhonda Maddox from Hollywood to Capitol Hill. Dr. Maddox is a trusted advisor across sectors. She has become the go-to strategist for organizations facing intense public scrutiny, policy shifts, and leadership burnout.
Her impact includes shaping mental health policy as policy advisor to former Dean of the United States House of Representatives John Dingell III, rolling out the Affordable Care Act, and breaking barriers as the first psychiatrist in 130 years to lead the Arkansas Medical, Dental, and Pharmaceutical Association during the height of the pandemic.
We have so many notes that we have taken from our interviews with Dr. Maddox, and we never get tired of her sage advice. We would love for you to share this episode with friends and family because we know there is something in there that is pertinent to all of us at some stage in our lives. Without further ado, we give you Dr. Rhonda Maddox.
Boundaries 101: Rules Vs. Guard Rails For Emotional Health
Dr. Rhonda, thank you for sticking around for part two of our conversation on unhealthy giving. Now we are going to start talking about resentment and boundaries. Everyone keeps telling us we have to set boundaries. People are like, “Is it a boundary? Is it a rule?” Please help us talk about boundaries.
Thank you for inviting me. Talking about boundaries, boundaries are your guardrails for how you can show up emotionally healthy without resentment. It is not about trying to control what other people do, but it is about you outlining how you are going to navigate relationships in a way that feels authentic and healthy, and respectful for you.
For instance, I do not respond well to people yelling at me. You can yell, but I will not be communicating with you for any length of time if that is what you are doing. I am not telling you have to change, but I am telling you that to engage me in a way that feels healthy for me, you can yell all you want to, but you will not be talking to me while you are doing it.
It is not an ultimatum, but this is how you play Monopoly with me. We are not playing checkers. We are playing Monopoly. These are the rules of engagement for me. You do not have to engage me. You can keep doing what you are doing, but then you are choosing as to if you are going to navigate a relationship with me.
Dr. Rhonda, at what point does being the strong one or the one that handles everything become who you are instead of what you do, like the martyr identity?
At what point? We are evolving. There is a way that we present ourselves to the world as a young adult, and it is more idealistic. It is grounded in what we have seen our mothers do, what we have seen the women in our lives do. We spend our young adulthood many times figuring out what fits us and what does not fit us. In our early twenties, particularly for the generation that we serve, in our early twenties, we were superwoman, we were that.
We started to realize, “I am not growing this. This does not fit well. I do not like how this feels. This feels heavy.” We started taking some stuff off. “Nope, I am not wearing that anymore.” Many times, we started doing that because of experiences, relationships, therapy, and introduction to religious beliefs. We started realizing there are some things that we want to take off. We began to evolve. The boundaries that we set to begin with, or the absence thereof, we are evolving, and we are changing.
If we have the same people with us as we evolve and our boundaries start to shift, it is not necessarily that they have changed, though they may. It may be that we have changed, and the boundaries or the absence thereof no longer serve us. Now we have to decide, “Am I going to articulate what my boundaries are or am I going to resent them?” What happens many times is that we will just stay silent because we are afraid of losing the relationship.
When we stay silent because we are afraid of losing the relationship, we resent them. We still lose the relationship. If truth be told, it was unfair because we never said to them that our boundaries changed, that our desires changed, that our wants changed. We villainized them. We never said what we needed. We are in this, people talk about in the 50s, “I do whatever I want to do.” In the 50s, “I say whatever I want to say.”
Some of the relationships that we lost in the twenties were not because they were bad people. It was because we were quiet and we were not articulating what our needs were. It is very unfair if we never told our sister, “I do not want to keep your stinking kids,” even though they might need some abuse because you let them do whatever they want to do. Around here, they are not about to tear up my good stuff. She never said that.
That is fair. It is fair to say, “I do not want to keep your kids cause they are running around breaking stuff.” It is fair to think that. If you never said it, and then you just ghosted someone. There are certain people you should ghost because you have told them seventeen times what your needs are, and they have ignored you eighteen times. There is no reason to have another conversation with them. You see how I felt that in my soul?
All the way down. I felt it for you.
“Where did you go? Why are you not talking to me? I do not have time to talk to you anymore. I have said everything I need to say, and you have ignored it seventeen times. I am not having an eighteen-hour conversation with you. In fact, I should not have had a fourth conversation with you.” That is not what we are talking about. We are talking about you did not say a word.
There are sometimes reasons why you do not say a word because you cannot get a word in, or because they are going to dismiss you, or whatever. What I am telling you is that maybe the case, and you may anticipate that you know exactly what they are going to say, but I am challenging you to say it anyway, so they have heard you, and so they understand. I remember I was working for Congressman Dingell, who was the Dean of the House of Representatives.
There was a particular issue that was coming up. I knew how he felt. Everybody in the office knew how he felt. I still wrote up my script for what he should say. They said, “You know he is not going to say that.” I absolutely 100% know he is not going to say it. What I do know is he is never going to say, “I did not know.” You will absolutely know. You will choose not to go in that direction, but you will never tell those people, your citizens, that I did not tell you, because I was his policy advisor.
It was my job to make sure he knew. I am telling you, it is your job to make sure that they know. I am a coach in my other role. I am a coach consultant. In my coaching role, I will have many women of color who will come to me and who will no longer use their voice because they feel unheard. They were in the boardroom. They said whatever it was, they said.
People were like, “La, la, la.” Someone else said exactly or nearly exactly what they said. All of a sudden, it was brilliant. They are just like, “It does not matter what I say.” This is what I say. “What is your job description? You do your job. You say whatever it is that you need to say. You lay out. This is what you can anticipate if you do that. Do this X, Y, Z. If you do this, this is what you can expect.” You put it in writing best you can.
I want to email and say, “These are my recommendations.” You put that in writing. What they do with and what you give them is their business. It may not feel right. It may feel like rejection. You may feel annoyed, but you do your job. You let them decide what to do with your recommendations. Do not be quiet. You are at that table for a reason for such a time as this. Whether they listen to you or not, they should not be able to say, “I did not know.”
Modeling Boundaries: Teaching Your Children To Use Their Voice
All great advice. One thing that comes to the top of my mind in terms of how you are addressing, back to boundaries, and that martyr syndrome. I understand how we can model that for our girls. How do you teach that to children? How do you recommend teaching the boundaries?
You model them. I am going to tell you a parenting low light. I remember my daughter spanking Elmo.
What did Elmo do?
I do not know what Elmo did, but I am sure it was not spanking-worthy. There was no discussion with Elmo. Now I know you all are thinking she lost her, but listen, I intended to make sure that my daughter knew. We are driving down the street one time. I raised my voice at her. My daughter said, and I quote, “I am not your child. You will talk to me respectfully or not at all.” She was two years old. I know because we were driving down Boulevard.
I looked at her. I was like, “Babe, I am your mom. Where did you?” Before I could get that out, I realized I had modeled for her that no one should raise their voice at you. I had said to her daddy on at least 2 or 3 occasions when I did not even think she was paying attention, “I am not your child. You will talk to me respectfully or not at all.” I mean that with my whole heart, when my chest stuck out. She got it.
I had never told her people should not raise their voice at her, but she heard what I allowed. That was her standard. We hear “Train a child up when they are young, and when they are old, they will not depart.” We imagine that means putting them in school. Somebody is at a chalkboard. That is not what it means. It means they will see you loudly and clearly, and they will follow your example. My mother was a smoker when I was young. She said, “I want better for you. You do not smoke.” Get this. She was giving me. Do you all remember those candy cigarettes?
Yes.
My mother made smoking look like it was Hollywood. The circles or whatever. It looked like a cloud of circles. She smoked the brand Cool. That was like Hollywood, Marilyn Monroe as far as I was concerned. I did not mean to do that. She bought the candy cigarettes for me. I was groomed to be a smoker. Now I have accepted the calling that was put upon me when I was about five years old.
I was smoking my little candy cigarettes. I had a rough day. They were no longer sufficient. I went into her stash. I was smoking. I did not anticipate that she was going to come home. She threw the cigarette in the bathroom trash can. This is when I was living in Angela’s home. I will remember this forever. She threw it into a plastic trash can.
Do you know what happens to a plastic trash can when you throw a cigarette in it? I will just tell you that I got over my addiction to smoking in one step with the black hornet. The black hornet was my twelve-step program in one. I learned from her. That was a pretty extensive answer to say, “We model it.”
I would add to that just briefly that what I have learned is that if you did not model that, the characters as well, when they were growing up, it is not too late.
That is good.
What Healthy Giving Looks Like: Embracing Your Soft Life
You always give us so many things to think about and ponder and to reassess. As we are right before the kickoff of the holidays, and when we think about the season of giving, what does healthy giving look like when we are in the thick of being everything to everyone? We are going back to this concept of being the strong one. I want to tell you that I do not want to be strong anymore.
I want to be in my soft period. This phase of my life, I am saying yes and thank you, and no. Being strong was just a burden. It allowed me to get to a particular place in my life. Now I am like, “Let me rethink how I am doing things so that I can allow some other things into my life.” Please, can we talk about healthy giving when again, everything falls on you?
Healthy giving looks like taking a step back and thinking about what brings you joy. We talked in our last episode about guilt. Many times, we will navigate spaces from a place of guilt. I like to navigate places because I am motivated by love. If I am thinking about what Christmas looks like for me, maybe I should examine the traditions I have been walking. Do these traditions work for me? I have a November birthday.
Healthy giving looks like taking a step back and thinking about what brings you joy. Share on XMany times, I would spend Thanksgiving with my husband’s family, but because my birthday is so close to Thanksgiving, it means I would not be with my family. My family celebrates a little bit differently than his family does. I like both ways, but my last birthday I spent with his family. I enjoyed them, but I missed mine.
This season, even though I spent probably the last twenty Thanksgivings, this time I am stepping back and saying, “I want to hang out with my nieces and nephews. They are going to be in town. I am not going.” There are some things that you have just out of habit been doing. Maybe they brought you joy, but they do not bring you as much joy as they used to. Maybe you should not be a person who cooks.
Maybe this year you guys can go on a cruise for Christmas. You go out or cater. I was on the phone with my brother. My sister-in-law said she was catering Thanksgiving. Lord, I almost dropped out of school. I am going to tell you, what that looks like is that looked like it felt good for her. My nephew and I were like, “What in the sand hill has come over you? We need to give her some antibiotics to get it out of her system.”
Understand this. As you are backing up and you are choosing different traditions, you are identifying what works for you and what does not work for you. Everybody is not going to be thrilled that you are now catering dinner because you want to have your feet up. There are going to be a few of us who are like, but we will get over it. If you have traditionally bought lots of gifts, then maybe you say, “I want to do Kwanzaa,” or “I want to do this.”
That is okay. What you are going to have to part ways with is everybody liking the decisions you are making. Everybody will not like the decisions you are making. That is okay. You will feel a little bit anxious when Aunt Suzy, who you love and is 79, says, “Sugar, you need to do boop.” You have decided you are not doing it because it does not work for you. I am not telling you to check Aunt Suzy, but I am telling you to say, “I really appreciate your perspective. That is an interesting point. I am not inviting others’ perspectives on this because I have already finalized this decision.”
Everybody will not like the decisions you're making, and that is okay. Share on XI am sorry. How am I going to say that to Aunt Suzy?
You practice it. You practice, “I have already finalized that decision, and I am not inviting feedback at this time. Thank you for that perspective. I appreciate that. This time, I would not be back right now.” Thank you for your perspective. Start there. “Thank you for your perspective. I always value, blah, blah, blah. At this time, I have finalized that decision. It is not open for discussion.” That is it.
Also, make it a practice not to allow people to put you or your children down. Having a child made me a better person. Not because I wanted to be, but because it was important for me, for my daughter, to not get the message that certain things were okay. Certain things did not bother me an ounce. However, I knew I had this set of eyes watching. I could not permit her to think that was acceptable.
There were things that I could not let her dad get away with because I did not want her to think it was okay for a partner or whatever to do. There were things that I did let her dad get away with sometimes that I did not have to go and fix. I say, “I was tired when that conversation happened. I would apologize to her for certain things. Let me be crystal clear. I do not need you all thinking I am a perfect parent.
When I am not tired and not hungry, I am an invested parent who is thinking about what messages my daughter is receiving.” I remember I saw her journal. We have a journal. I will write in the journal, whatever, and she will write in the journal. We will communicate. On one occasion, I picked up a journal that was not that journal, but I saw what she had written. She had written, “My mom said not to dumb myself down for boys.”
Now, I did not even remember saying that, and it was the journal entry from a really long time ago. I was thrilled that I had said it. I could not recall it. I was thrilled that she remembered it enough to write it down. That is modeling for our other question. I am just going to tell you, Dr. Morris, I know I answered your question.
I do not even remember what the question was anymore. It is still good advice. We are talking about unhealthy giving.
Permission To Prioritize: Why You Don’t Need Anyone’s Approval
Still good advice. In terms of prioritizing yourself, what permits you to prioritize yourself? What would you tell women who are waiting for that permission? I know your answer to this, but when can you just stop?
I love this question because now, I am that woman who, in her 40s and 50s, started not needing permission, as I was the only child. A lot of my world was about me. When you are an only child, your family is centered around you. I was selfish a lot. I got into the Christian faith. It was like the pendulum swung. I was all in for everybody else. That was not my baseline. Let me be crystal clear. My baseline was selfish.
This pendulum swung. It was like, “Do for others.” To the point where it was just all the way unhealthy. Givers will give and takers will take. I was a giver surrounded by takers. I became emotionally bankrupt and resentful. I am in a place where I am saying the right things, but I do not mean any of the stuff that I am saying anymore, or not much. I am angry because I think you should just know.
They are thinking, “You are a grown-up, you should tell me if you cannot do it. I am going to shoot my best shot. If you do it, great.” There is this resentment and this bitterness that was just overtaking my soul. I did not like the person I was becoming. A lot of people will find themselves in a position where they are surrounded by takers. One of the first things that you can do is just back up and be like, “How did I get here?”
How you got here is by doing things that you are supposed to do and not using your voice. My voice is this, “No ma’am, I do not want to do that. Thank you.” “But.” “No ma’am. My cup runneth over. Thank you for the invitation.” Using your voice to say no. Not because you do not want to do it or you want to be mean, but you need to understand what your purpose is and prioritize doing activities that lead you to your purpose.
Use your voice to say no, not because you don't want to do it or want to be mean, but you need to understand your purpose and prioritize activities that lead you to it. Share on XEvery good idea is not a God idea. If you say yes to all these good ideas, when your God idea comes, you are going to be resentful, you are going to be tired, you are going to be mad. They are not helping me with these kids. This man is not coming to take care of his kids. They are not helping me with my mama. They see I am helping my mama.
They need to come and help, too, but you don’t use your voice. You have to use your voice. You have to know what you want. You have to put your foot down and draw a line. A bounder is nothing more than a line. You have to stick to it. If you let your child ask you a question seventeen times and then you say yes, you just taught him to ask you eighteen times. We teach people how to treat us. What we let go, they are going to keep doing.
Say that phrase again, Dr. Rhonda, “Thank you, but.”
“I finalized that decision, and I am not taking additional input on that.” You can throw in a respectfully if you would like. You can hug and say, “I love you, Auntie,” and hug them. When you set boundaries, people imagine that setting boundaries and outlining what works for you means. They imagine that you are talking about what your needs are, which means.
It allows you to show up in a happy space. I recently resigned from a position. I have so much joy since I resigned from that position. I am so much happier because I was staying in that position. I cannot even tell you why I was staying in the position. There are a couple of ladies who I was staying there for, but after I submitted my letter of resignation, there was a buoyancy.
We teach people how to treat us. Share on XYou feel lighter.
There are places that we stay to prove a point that are hurting us. Some people are still with that man because your grandmama said, “You know that boy is not good. He’s not going to treat you right.” You were trying to prove her wrong. “Baby, let her be right. You go on and go into your soft life.” There are some folks who were treating us miserably, who were showing us every day that they do not value us, that they do not like us, that they do not want us. We are trying to prove, trying to keep some partner to keep him from going to, let her have him. You get your peace back.
Healthy Partnerships: Why You Can’t Pour Everything In
Now that we have ventured into partnership, how do you maintain a healthy partnership when you are pouring everything into everyone else?
Honey, I do not pour everything into everyone else. That is how I maintain it. I am not giving you my all because then there is nothing for me. I will give you 20%, I will give you 40%, I will give you some percent, but I am not giving you my all. You have not earned it, you do not deserve it. You cannot have it all. You cannot have it all, not at all. If you are giving somebody your all, stop it right now. If his name ain not Jesus, stop it.
Don't pour everything into everyone else. Do not give your all, because then there's nothing left for you. Share on XGet some therapy so that you can learn why you are tolerating some of these vicious, malignant, draining your soul relationships, get some therapy. I know you think, “I am going to turn it over to Jesus, and he is going to work it out.” Listen, every perfect gift comes from above. If you are with someone who is a taker and you are a giver, and you are giving and giving, when you go into therapy. You examine what happened in your life to make you think that it is acceptable for you to be a doormat and for people to walk all over you and for you to pretend that it is okay.
If that is what your religion has taught you, evaluate if that is for you or if that particular congregation is for you because Jesus came that we might have life and that more abundantly. You feeling like a doormat, feeling drained, feeling dejected, being manipulated and talked evil to daily is not what God has in mind for you.
I am not going to venture to say that I know God in his fullness, but I know that a good mama, a good daddy, does not want anybody mistreating their kids. You are not going to convince me that you being mistreated in a relationship and being drained and dejected and talked about and manipulated and emotionally abused is acceptable. That was not your question, but that was free, hot off the throne of heaven.
We appreciate that because sometimes it is just that you do not necessarily believe. You are so used to a particular behavior, a set of behaviors that you continue to allow this to occur because either you have not woken up, you do not value yourself, you do not understand, whatever the reasons are.
The boundaries. If you saw abuse, if you witnessed your mother take abuse, then you are more likely to think that it is okay. I remember in the ‘90s, I went to a funeral, my aunt’s funeral. It was at the White funeral home. It had not occurred to me. I was probably in my 20s or 30s. I do not remember how old I was, but I was in my 20s. I had grown up with segregation. It had not occurred to me that there was a White funeral home and a Black funeral home. When my aunt integrated the funeral home, I was like, “I never even challenged that because that is what I grew up seeing.” When you grow up being abused, you do not see it as abuse. You see it as normal.
When you grow up being abused, you don't see it as abuse, you see it as normal. Share on XThat was the point is when you are pouring into everyone else, how do you ask for help or are supposed to be a helper? The point is, do not pour it in. You do not pour everything you have into someone else. I hear everything you are saying. I think that even in healthy relationships, you have a good partner who respects you. If you have always done everything for everybody else, you never set boundaries.
It is not like you can blame that person because they did not recognize that you should have had boundaries. You should have been doing so. It is now time for you to take that agency and set the boundaries and develop things for yourself that actually give you joy so that when your kids go off to college and you are empty nesters or you are no longer working and you are retired, the things that are all going to be coming soon for all of us, then you have invested in yourself because you have set some of those boundaries. That is what I got from what you had to say.
We are women evolving. The boundaries that we have, even for our relationships, will change if we get a new job that is now working us. We used to go out for girls’ day on Fridays. You have to renegotiate. In our relationships, we understand that it is healthy to renegotiate the boundaries ever so often. It will be uncomfortable.
If the relationship is valuable enough to you, do not swallow your voice and not speak because when you are like, “I do not want to lose this relationship.” If you stay quiet, you are going to lose the relationship because you are going to resent the relationship. Do not stay quiet. When you feel that discomfort of not liking something, you can pause for a little bit and write your script and decide how you are going to approach the situation. If you are too fearful of losing the relationship, I wonder if you even have it.
Navigating Non-Response: When Boundaries Are Ignored And Deal Breakers
What happens if you scripted it out, you have said your piece or made it known how you feel about things and how you envision things moving forward, and there is either no acknowledgement that such things were said or radio silence following that? That is your answer, but then how do you navigate that?
For me, it is important for me to get clear on, “Do I want this relationship in my life regardless, however, am I accepting this?” “Is there a deal breaker in this?” It is not about what they do. It is about what I am willing to take. I have articulated, “I do not like this.” Now, do I not like this enough that if you keep doing it, I am out? Do I not like this, but it is like, but it is, “I do not really care for it, but you can stick around even if you are doing it because I value it.”
Whatever the thing is, you have got to be clear on whether this is a deal breaker or not. This is why a whole lot of people do not go to therapy because they are like, “I do not need therapy because I am not changing. It does not matter what the therapist says. I am not going to waste the therapist’s time.” When people come to me, they are on marriage. “Are you wasting my time? Are you checking a box, but you know you’re out? Do not waste my time. I am going to see you somewhere else if that is the case.”
If you are working, it is not about them. It is about you. If this person does not accept it, this person says, “I am still going to chew with my mouth open, whether I am at the White House or the outhouse. Am I going to let you be in my life, but I am not taking you to the White House? I will take you to Dave and Buster’s, but you are not going to the White House with me as my date.” “Is this something to where I am out? I cannot listen to you chew. I just cannot. I cannot listen to it. I am out.” You get to decide. Once you decide, decide.
Do not decide and then re-decide, yes.
Decide and understand that though you are worthy of good treatment, you choose if you are going to permit the bad treatment. You get to go. You get to stay.
You pretty much dropped the mic on that one, Dr. Rhonda. As always, such sage advice. We love having you here, really, truly. It is always a blast and such good information for our listeners. That is why we love to have you back talking with us, and we cannot wait to share your book and have a whole session.
Connect With Dr. Rhonda Maddox: Book And Final Takeaways
Tell us, where can we get the book, Dr. Rhonda, and the name, title?
Listen, go to Amazon.com and Google Dr. Rhonda Maddox. The name of the book is Take 5! Pathway to Peace: A 40-Day Journaling Experience. If you have Prime, go over there and get the book. If you want it tomorrow or the next day, go over there and get the book. If you want an autographed copy and to be on my list and be on my radar, go to DrRhondaMattox.org. Now, I am not going to get it to you, sugar.
It might not be a week. You are going to get it. It is going to have something special in there. You are going to be on my radar. I am going to send you some doses of inspiration. We are going to get connected. If you need it tomorrow, honey, go to Amazon. If you do not mind having it in a week or so, come to DrRhondaMattox.org. I will welcome you with open arms. You can connect to Facebook, Instagram, or what have you. We will just have a beautiful relationship together.
We have all the ways to connect with you, Dr. Rhonda. Any last parting words for the audience before we go?
Listen, put Boss Leap on autopilot. Set your alarm so you never miss an episode. These ladies talk about how fabulous I am, but I have to tell you, these ladies are absolutely amazing. Anytime they ask me to do anything, if I am not meeting with Obama or Michelle, I am okay with doing it. If Obama, Michelle, or Oprah is not, I am here when they ask me to do it. I am telling you, all this wisdom that they bottle up every week, you should be here for it. They are the bomb diggity. I mean that.
We love you. Thank you so much.
We do. We appreciate you. You are a friend of the show. I am going to say, talk to you later, because I know that you will be back on Boss Leap sharing many more pearls. We are going to talk about your book next time.
To our listeners, until we meet again, may you be well.
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We want to give a huge thank you to Dr. Rhonda Maddox for her honesty and her wisdom. To our audience, remember, taking care of everyone else cannot come at the cost of losing yourself. What we learned is this. Healthy giving is not about doing more. It is about giving from a place of love, not stuffing your emotions. The great part is that we get to decide what good treatment is for ourselves. Angela, after that moving two-part conversation with Dr. Rhonda on healthy giving, how are you feeling now? What is top of mind for you?
I always feel lighter after talking to her. She has all the one-liners, but lots of sage advice in between. Do not swallow your voice. I have done that a lot in my life. I am learning not to do that. Right along with that is know your feelings, own your feelings, acknowledge your feelings. It is a hard one. Stop stuffing your emotions. When you stop that, it gives you freedom. It is hard if you have done that for years or learned that from those who raised you or those around you, it is hard to do.
Once you can vocalize that, your emotions, your feelings, what your boundaries are, ultimately gives you freedom. It is always a good reminder because if it is not your habit from the get-go, it is still easy to fall back into your same patterns. I wrote it down, but I cannot write fast enough. I have already finalized that decision, and I am not taking any further input, but thank you. Something along those lines.
That was a message to Aunt Suzy. The Aunt Suzy’s in your lives. Please, if you got into this part in the show, you listened to the whole episode, but please know we have some real, tangible advice on how to script something to say to our loved ones. That is what I really enjoyed about our conversation with Dr. Rhonda. She gave us some tools to add to my toolkit.
That tool is about scripting, the hard conversations. I have found it is very valuable when you are not the person who is as comfortable with your voice as it is, during your conflict or just hard conversations, sometimes writing it. It does not mean that you are literally sitting there reading that, but you have already gone through the motions in your head. It comes out easier. Hopefully, being intentional about what you actually want to say versus in the heat of the moment.
Sometimes it is hard in the heat of the moment because either you lose your voice or you can be angry and say things that you would not necessarily want to say. Either way is not healthy for the continuation of the relationship. No, you are exactly right. Certainly, my takeaways, I love how she says, “Every good idea is not a God idea.”
I was like, “That is great.” To be in your body and not to ignore those emotions and how they feel inside, and even though we are saying yes, we are nodding, but really inside we are saying a big fat no. It is really important to be in tune with your body. Listen to your body. Yes, put yourself first, oxygen mask on first, and then you can put the oxygen mask on the people around you.
All of that tied in a bow, yes.
If you are listening, please consider this your permission slip to pause, to ask for help, and to protect the parts of you that no one sees, but everyone depends upon. We will see you next time on the show. Please like, listen, subscribe, and follow. Please follow us on YouTube and, Boss Leap Podcast. You can drop us a line via email at BossLeapPodcast@gmail.com. Let us know if you have ideas for shows or any wonderful positive feedback. Until then, until we meet again, may you be well.
Important Links
- Dr. Rhonda Mattox
- Dr. Rhoda Mattox on Facebook
- Dr. Rhoda Mattox on Instagram
- Take 5! Pathway to Peace: A 40-Day Journaling Experience
- Take 5! Pathway to Peace: A 40-Day Journaling Experience
About Rhonda Mattox
Hi, I’m Dr. Rhonda Mattox. At my core, I’m a woman of faith who believes peace is possible even in a chaotic world. I wear many hats—wife, mother, psychiatrist, speaker, author, coach, consultant, and encourager. Yet, one of the roles I value most highly is helping people lay down the heavy mask of perfection and step into the freedom God intended for them.
I know what it feels like to be a public success while silently feeling like a private failure. I know what it’s like to hear the words, “Mommy, I hate you!” just moments before walking into a room full of parents expecting me to teach them how to build strong relationships with their children. I know what it’s like for others to assume I have it all together—the degrees, the career, the smile—while inside I was exhausted, anxious, and quietly crumbling. They thought they wanted what I had, and truthfully, I didn’t even want what I had. Behind closed doors, I had to do the hard work of examining myself. I had to gather what I call my Joy Wellness Team—my psychiatrist, my pastor, my pup, my emancipation circle, family, and friends. And at the center of it all was my journal. That journal became my safe place.
I’ve spent my career walking alongside high-achievers, faith leaders, and everyday women who silently carry the weight of the world while making it look effortless. I know that struggle intimately, because I’ve carried it too. That’s why I’m so passionate about creating spaces where we can be real, breathe deeply, and reclaim rest without guilt.