The medical world is a high-stakes environment centered on saving lives 24/7, and this is the biggest reason why most practitioners experience burnout. Despite the overwhelming expectations to deliver impeccable work at all times, you must never forget to put yourself first. Dr. Sylvia Morris and Dr. Angela Walker sit down with Dr. Erica Howe, a board-certified internist, hospitalist, and founder of the Women Physicians Wellness Conference. She shares the right way to create boundaries to protect your own energy, the best practices in self-love, and the power of being comfortable with your emotions. Dr. Howe also talks about the benefits of building relationships with other women professionals, especially in the medical space, to get access to brand-new knowledge and shape a more empowered you.
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Putting Yourself First With Dr. Erica Howe
Women Physicians Wellness
We have a guest who is doing the real work of making sure women in medicine don’t just survive their careers. They thrive in them.
She is a board-certified internist and hospitalist, a nationally recognized speaker, a champion for physician wellness and the Founder of Women Physicians Wellness Conference, an experience she created specifically to bring women physicians together to find the courage, the clarity, and the community to succeed on their own terms.
She has given over 200 talks on everything from conflict management, to boundary setting, to gaining clarity in your clinical career. She has been recognized with some of the highest teaching honors in medicine because she doesn’t just talk about doing things differently. She models it.
We are so excited to welcome to the show, Dr. Erica Howe.
Thanks for having me on. I’m so excited to be here with you.
Dr. Howe’s Childhood And Career Journey
It is absolutely a pleasure and our honor for sure. Before we dive into all the fascinating details of what you do in your career and your life. Tell us in your own words who you are and where you started. Not the bio. Not the credentials but only about you.
I was a military brat growing up. We moved all around. Everybody always asks where I’m from. Basically, you can just pick a state in the United States and I live there, then I went to the University of Utah. My dad retired when we were in Utah, and so I had in-State tuition. Like any smart pre-med student, I wanted to save some money, so I went to University of Utah for undergrad. I knew I wanted a different experience after that.
I just applied all over. I had not lived in the South before, so I applied to Tulane in New Orleans. I went down there and I remember getting off the plane and feeling like this was home. I loved it. I had done a couple medical missions in Africa at that point. On my tour at Charity Hospital, they had wooden wheelchairs just like in America and it spoke to me.
This was before Katrina. I don’t mean to date you, but you mentioned Charity Hospital.
That’s okay. It was before Katrina, and then when I was at the beginning of my second year of residency, I was one of the residents that stayed behind. I was in the hospital at the VA during Katrina for about days after.
That’s an experience.
Erica, do you mind sharing a little bit about that? I remember watching it on the news because I lived in DC at the time. It seemed unimaginable, but can you talk about that experience? What did you learn?
I learned that attitude is everything. Mindset is everything. I will tell you. We had some first responders that came to help us, and this was day three. It was the military. They showed up and very young as one would imagine. They had been on a different mission and they come straight to rescue us. They were tired. This is day three, and we have cancer patients that have been without their pain medicine and the OPD patients that have been out with their breathing medicine.
Did you have electricity? I’m thinking about ventilators and hand-bagging people.
What we did on the first night, the Superdome was directly across the street from us. You could see it from my call room because our call room was up on the 10th floor. It was very high. We ended up transferring the ventilator patients when the generators went out. We were bagging them over to the Superdome because we heard that we’re the first to get evacuated. Everybody was doing the same thing.
We didn’t have medications, but we did have sick patients for sure. Many people in New Orleans saw the hospitals as a safe haven. They’re concrete and they’re stronger buildings than their houses, understandably. We had a lot of people that came in. The nurses’ families would come in and be in waiting rooms and that type of thing. I remember the first day of the evacuation, it was day three. The military came in and this is not to begrudge the military. This was just my personal experience. They took a nap on our docks and they said, “You have to get all these patients down to the docks and then we’ll evacuate them.” We don’t have electricity. Our elevators don’t work. If you got into the elevator, you could hear the water flowing in from the basement.
People that you might think wouldn’t help in a situation like that, the families of those nurses. They saw us carrying patients down. We’re talking like sixteen-year-old guys. They’re just here because their mom or dad is here or all here. They’re like, “Dr. Howe, what are you doing? Let me help you.” They would sit there. We’re having like 90-year-old dementia patients in a diaper who are naked because it’s so hot. They’re helping me carry down these patients, these sixteen-year-old boys who are like, “Let me step in and help.”
I’ve got the military that should be helping and they’re taking naps. Seeing that difference, I still don’t even have words for it. It was so much about community. The way that a community can come together in a difficult situation and lift each other up, versus tear each other down. It’s something I will never throw off. That was so beautiful to me and inspiring. Anytime there’s a difficult moment where I see a challenge that’s happening for somebody else. I’m reminded of that moment.
It’s the humanity, and these young men who weren’t even fully grown themselves. They’re in high school. I have a high schooler now and they just stepped in. It was so beautiful. It was all about just, “We’re going to get through this together.” It’s so funny because certainly one can say a traumatic experience but I don’t feel it like that. It was so beautiful to me in so many ways. Seeing our community come together and support each other.
The culture in New Orleans is so positive in so many ways. Such culture is so wonderful. You can be talking to a patient that has nothing. They’re struggling, and they’re like, “Bless you, Dr. Howe. I love you. Thank you for taking care of me. I’ll see you next week.” It reminds you it’s all about mindset. It’s all about how you see the world and you can see it like, “I’m suffering and I don’t have anything,” or you can see it, “It’s a beautiful day and I am grateful to be alive.”
It’s so interesting. I have this little sign in my office and it says, “The way you see the world is how you treat the people that you see.” It’s like you just said, mindset and being open enough to see humanity because you could have taken away from that. From the story, it sounds like you got the community and the positive aspect out of that. You’re acknowledging that there were some deficits there but others in this life focused on the negative and not be able to see the positive out of that and certainly in that community.
Thank you. I didn’t expect that.
Thank you for sharing that.
That was humbling for all of us. I had just moved from Houston to Dallas. I had practice in Arlington. We had patients come there with no records. Nothing. They would have records again. You knew nothing and they were just so grateful that such as pregnant patients that are maybe 30 weeks pregnant. The doctors would take them in without knowing maybe they’re high-risk or whatever but you’re like, “Of course. It’s what we do.”
I remember one of the rules. There was a rule in the military, but they didn’t tell you where you were going. We got evacuated. It took two more days to get evacuated, honestly. On the 5th night, we finally got evacuated to the airport. Each gate was like a hospital. We had like 200 patients. They put us at a gate. I did get to see some resident friends because they were a couple of gates away taking care of their patients and were like, “How are you?” They wouldn’t tell you until you were on the plane where you’re going. You’re getting onto these C-130s.
Do you mean a military Jack?
Yes. In fact, everybody got evacuated that way. They wanted to fit as many people into the plane as possible. I’m worried that this would activate a traumatic experience or PTSD. At this point, we don’t even have medication to help them, but we’re just checking on like, “How are you doing? I know that this is some optimal.”
Vents are tough.
I remember sitting at the gate and trying to open an MRE. This was the first.
A meal ready to eat.
There’s like 5,000 calories and 5,000 grams of salt and all the things. You had to do this eating mechanism and I’m like, “I’m exhausted and I can’t figure it out.” One of them sees and is like, “Dr. Howe, give this to me. I’ll take care of it.” He teaches me how to do it. They’re amazing. It’s like, “You’re the patient. I’ll be taking care of you,” but like they took care of us, too. You can look at it as if it was a traumatic experience or it was beautiful in many ways. It was touching the way we all took care of each other and came together.
How about both?
Where did you end up being evacuated to?
At Little Rock, Arkansas. Funny story. I wasn’t drinking any wine or anything during this whole five days. We wake up the next morning and we go to a Mexican restaurant that’s right next to the hotel for lunch. I was like, “I want a Margarita,” like a normal functioning woman. They’re like, “We’re a dry county.” We went back to the hotel.
That’s funny. That’s all that you’re probably thinking of.
I was like, “I’m going to have a Piña colada and a Margarita.”
Chips and salsa.
I don’t even think we finished the chips and salsa. We’re like, “We’re good. I’m done.” Good times.
Thank you so much for sharing.
You definitely share some light on your experience. Those sorts of experiences add to your perspective in how you view life and value your time and your energy and practicing mindfulness.
How Women Physicians Set Boundaries
I also think it makes us better physicians because those are human moments. Perhaps, how we navigate those human moments. It better equips us to be present with our patients, provide more empathetic, compassionate care. Thank you again for sharing. Tell us when we talk about Women Physicians. We typically are doing three million things. Whether it’s family, children, spouse, or caregiving duties. We talk about our careers and making sure that we are on track and moving forward with our careers and if we’re in sororities. All of the things. How do women physicians, in particular, learn how to set boundaries as well as protect their energy?
It’s such a great question to start with. Thanks, Sylvia. It’s so hard because we go through training that is ten-plus years long. What are we called along the way? Say, “Yes. Everything’s an opportunity. You can put it on your CV. This would be great for your CV.” Everything’s great for your CV. I told the story when Angela was with us at WPW, of just having this incredible 50-page ridiculous CV. I have no energy left. I have nothing left to give here.
I’m just exhausted. I hadn’t looked up to myself, but I’d signed on for everything. The culture teaches us to say yes, even when we’re tired. You don’t need a bathroom break. You don’t need to eat lunch. Put the patients first. While I do agree that there are times when that needs to happen, there are times where we need to put ourselves first. That is few and far between.
I remember reflecting and saying things like, “I have to start setting boundaries.” A little quick backstory. I had had 3 kids in 5 years because the biological clock was ticking. I was a new attending faculty right out of the gates, “Let’s just have some kids.” Renewal physician household, both academic, trying to do the research and the teaching and all the things. I just had my third child and at the same time, I had made it to associate professor. I was moving because I couldn’t say no. I remember being on maternity leave with my youngest and being tired because of that.
Also, I wanted to take a deep breath. A couple of month later, I had my faculty assessment review, which was an annual thing. I went in to my chair and he said, “Congratulations. Great job. You did this. This is a big CV.” Now, what are you going to do, and waiting with like baited breath. “Were’ going to get you to full professor.” Even though I knew that was coming, I feel shocked. I’m like, “Are you kidding me? I just had a baby.” I’m doing everything. My response was probably not as well put as I would like it to be.
Am I going to assume that?
Let me say, though. He was absolutely lovely at that moment. He’s wonderful. His response was, “I get you. I have to ask. That’s what this assessment is supposed to be. Take a little time. Take a breather but we have to recognize that it won’t last forever. At some point, you have to tell me what’s next.” I remember being thankful and grateful. Also, recognizing that I need to do something different. I went back to this.
I went through this crazy CV and I put stars next to everything. I rated it like 1 to 5 stars not like how good it looked and how impressive it was. Does it give me joy? Maybe it did, but does it give me joy now? There were things I used to love to do, but I had grown out of it. I had lost it. I did that for all 50 pages. I remember looking at it being like, “This sucker could go down to one page pretty easily for things I’m actively doing based on that.”
The culture teaches us to say yes even when we are tired. Nevertheless, there are times when we need to put ourselves first. Share on XThat was when I realized, “You’ve learned how to say yes and now you got to start backing out of all these things. How do I start saying no?” I started small. I started with the small things. The things were I didn’t mind if I burnt a bridge. I didn’t mind if somebody wasn’t super thrilled with me for saying that I need to back out of this. Over time, I created a system for how I was going to say no that was more standardized.
She’s got some great ones.
I did that because the more you take the emotion out of it and you have a system. I like systems. I like protocols. I like strategies where it’s on those days when you don’t feel you can give the energy. You refer to a system. Here’s the strategy. It’s the four As. The first thing you’re going to do is you’re going to start with appreciation. This can be like an email, a phone, or a conversation. Whatever it is. You can use it in any situation.
The first thing is like, “Thank you, by the way, for thinking of me for this leadership opportunity 6, 8, or 12 years ago. Whatever it is. Thank you for thinking of me. I appreciate that.” You have to recognize it at some point, somebody did think of you and you’re grateful for that. We’re going to circle back around to like why that’s important in a minute, but you start with appreciation. You’re then going to go to accomplishments. It’s like, “I want you to know over the past, however long, these are the successes we’ve seen.” This is what has gone well on the discharge summary committee. My team and I have decreased discharged summaries by 23%, and we’re very proud of that. We’ll circle back around to why that’s important as well.
Let me guess. That was on the lower list of what brought you joy.
It was like, “I don’t get joy from trying to discharge someone?” You’re going to lay out an action plan with the deadline. You’re going to lay out an action plan. I’m going to step away from this opportunity this time and you’re going to give a deadline to it. Now, two things with this. One, when you say that you’re going to step away. You’re going to say things like, “At this time, I’m trying to make room for new opportunities, or my interests have changed,” or something vague. Why are we doing that?
It’s not like, “I hate you, people. You suck all the life out of me. I’d never do this again and I wish I had never met you.” We don’t do that.
Maybe we say that one for the email we don’t send.
You want to keep the door open.
If you give specifics, you say, “I can no longer serve in this role because my daycare doesn’t open till 7:00 AM.”
They’re going to try and fix that for you.
It’s easier to switch the meeting time by an hour than it is to find a new leader for the role. What you don’t want to do is give them a problem to solve other than filling your role.
What about if I’ve already identified JW. JW is excited to be on this discharge planning committee and I can connect you via email. Let me know.
That’s step four.
You got it, Sylvia. You’re going to lay out the action plan with a deadline. You do a deadline because what happens if you just say, “I’m stepping away?” They say, “As soon as we find a replacement,” but they are motivated to find a replacement by a certain time.
It’s because you did too good of a job.
They’re going to take their time because you cannot be replaced easily. Now, it’s a year later and you’re still not in the role. You say, “On June 30, I’m stepping away,” so it’s very clear to everyone what the deadline is. You’re then going to make recommendations. You’re going to acknowledge that there are other people that would serve great in this role and you can help with introductions. You say, “By the way, I recognize I’ve created a little bit of a problem for you. Let me help you with the solution. I know three people that would serve wonderfully in this role.” When you do this, you want to keep in mind two things. Who are the two populations that are always overlooked for leadership opportunities?
Women and people of color.
You’re going to make sure that one is a woman and one is a person of color. If all three are, that’s even better. You’re then going to follow up one last time.
We already know that they’re overqualified. Let’s just say that for people who are reading who’s like, “It’s a higher diversity.” No. They are more than qualified.
Absolutely. You’re going to follow up at the end with acknowledgment one more time and again say, “Thank you for thinking of me. Should any future opportunities arise where you think I would be a good fit, I would welcome a conversation.” This opens the door where you saying, “I don’t want to ever hear from you again. If you think there’s something in the future, great. It’s just that this one isn’t a fit for me anymore.” You end kindly like, “Respectfully yours, etc.” It could be a phone call. It can be a conversation in the hallway. It works well in any of those settings, but on those hard days where you are exhausted. It’s nice to just have those four As to lean back on.
I loved it when I heard it and I was like, potentially if I had used that when I left the job where I am. Particularly, with that, “I like it here. They liked me a lot, but I need to be able to slow down a little bit.” There was no room for that, so I had been told, but then later heard, “If we knew you were leaving.”
You were seriously leaving the organization. That goes to the culture, too. That for me seems to be problematic because you know I’m drowning. You know I am and you don’t want to be proactive.
What Burnout Looks Like For Women In Medicine
That leads to the next question for us as women. This applies to women in any profession that’s working, but particularly women in medicine. What does burnout look like day-to-day for women in medicine? Not the statistics, but the real thing. What can you identify? What can you help people identify?
It looks like a woman who has got it all together and is doing all the things. She’s smiling, confident, and she’s calm under pressure. She looks like a rock star. That’s what she looks like, because that’s what we do. We’re projecting an amazing professional presence to everyone around us. That woman that you think, she’s got it figured out. She doesn’t. Check in on her. She’s not okay. Certainly, we see those times where you’re going into your office and you’re crying. You’re upset. You’ve had a difficult patient and we’re showing those frustrated emotions. Those are times where we need help and we’re burned out, too. I would say 9 times out of 10, it is that woman that looks like she’s got it all together. She is just locked and checked on her.
Agreed.
I would say there’s not the space for women to have emotions, and I’m going to ask for some assistance with that. Sometimes, it is not a safe space. We can’t be angry. We cannot be short or ill-tempered, not that we should be, with people. We certainly can’t cry or be more emotional because we are women. There is that stigma. That women aren’t strong enough or all of those emotions are double-edged swords for us. Talk about how conflict in medicine for women or showing emotions for women, who are especially maybe burned out, is different for women versus men?
It’s such a challenge. I am speaking quietly here because I know that you’re readers and both of you understand this completely. Often, when men get upset, they may express it more as anger. That is supported and encouraged. He feels passionate. He’s upset about this patient encounter. When women get upset, tears will happen. That difference is a response to the same emotion, the same intensity of a situation. Neither one should be right or wrong. They should both be considered strong feelings. Unfortunately, in our culture, those tears are looked down upon, even if that’s not the reaction. Even if it’s more anger or irritability, that’s looked down upon like , “She’s a bitch.”
Exactly.
Hormonal.
Too emotional.
Maybe angry. As women of color, that trope about angry Black women is also the thing, too.
As women, we are not team players. She’s not playing with the team. Men aren’t expected to play as a team in the same way that women are. We’re expected based on our biology to be communal, welcome everyone and support everyone. Be maternal in its own way. Men are forgiven when they don’t do that when they’re individuals. That can be challenging when you’re supposed to be the leader. You might have a team, but it’s a team that is supposed to be something or a set of people that you’re leading.
Men are not expected to play as a team in the same way that women are. Share on XNot necessarily that you are interacting with on the same playing field or level. That makes it challenging when you’re supposed to be in the team and in charge of the team at the same time. Those roles are very vague. They can put a lot of miscommunications and a lot of misunderstandings about order taking and who’s in charge.
Saying No And Putting Yourself First
That’s all very good insight. You’ve obviously captured all of this wisdom and succeeded on your own terms. Instead of someone else’s. You let us through the process, it sounds like, of starting to eliminate some of the things that didn’t serve you any well anymore. In your idea, what is it required of women when we’re trained to put everyone else first? As you mentioned, to now do this, maybe eliminate the process and move forward. What is it requiring? What did it require from you?
It required learning to say no and it required me starting to put myself first for the first time. That was difficult, honestly. Probably more difficult than the boundary setting. It was like, I’ve created this space in my schedule, this time in my schedule that’s free now. Now I have to block it off. That part was hard because I wanted to fill it up with something again. It felt very strange to not do. To just sit. To just be. I had never done that.
Was it the idea that you wanted to fill it up or something or you just saw all these things in your life? For me, that needs to be done. How can I block time for myself?
It was a little bit of that and this almost like anxiety of like, “I’m not doing anything. I’m always supposed to be doing something.” If I’m not sleeping, what do you mean I’m just supposed to sit here and just be? I know that time and space are like mental space without reflecting on, “Where do I want to go next? What do I really want? What does that look like? What is a perfect world to me? Do I want to spend a lot of time with my toddler?” Maybe I don’t.
That’s fair.
Do I want to spend more time with my husband? It was just testing those moments like, “I’m going to block this time.” For me, it was about six months where I said, “You can’t sign up for anything.” I wanted to feel that longing for something because I could sign up for things. I have proven myself in my institution. People are like, “Sure. Come do this. Come do that.” I want to feel a longing for it again like I can’t wait to do that.
That’s what I was looking for. This is going to sound weird, but I wasn’t thinking at my highest capacity. I wasn’t quickly thinking about my life. I was getting through it. I never reflected on what I wanted. The hardest part was sitting back and just being and doing some things that weren’t restful, honestly. I will tell you. One time, I remember I was an admin and I had gone in for a few hours. I was driving home and I was sitting in a stoplight. I looked across the street and there was a movie theater. I was like, “A movie at like 1:00 in the afternoon.” That’s so bizarre.
It was mind-blowing. I was like, “Who is in there now? That could be me. I could go to the movies. No.” I went to the movies and I went to see Magic Mike. I went for it. I go in and I walk into this movie theater. I look around and it’s one of those Dino movies. It is a bunch of women obviously sitting alone. Each of them at 1:00 in the afternoon, is like, “I’m just going to go see this. My husband doesn’t want to see it with me.” We were all in our individual seats. They had their chardonnay and their hummus platter.
It was glorious, but I cannot tell you the last time before that I had that experience where I did something completely for me without taking the kids with me or making sure it was a good experience for them. Managing someone else along the way. Do something that includes someone else. It started like that with these little moments that felt completely ridiculous, like, “I can’t believe I had two hours for myself.” I started to just try to build on that. It felt very uncomfortable.
It sounds like a wonderful experience, but the first time you do it, it feels very much like, “What am I doing that I’m taking this for myself? I should be with the kids. I should be at work. I should be reviewing charts.” I had built up my mental muscle around that it’s okay. Honestly, I used to be driving to go get a massage and say, “This is okay, Erica. It is okay for you to take time for yourself.” I started to practice that. In practicing that, I got back into my mind and my soul and what feels me again. Five minutes in, but also outside medicine.
I was able to start reflecting in a way that I hadn’t in years and started asking myself, “What do you want next? What do you want that to look like?” That’s how WPW came about. I was like, “That’s crazy. What are you doing? You’re going to blow up your life for this? You have a good life. Everybody’s thriving and healthy. I have a great career.” I have to change, but I kept coming back, the more that I knew myself, the more that I sat with myself, the more excited I became for that new idea. I was like, “Let’s see where this goes. Let’s grow this.”
Starting The Women Physicians Wellness Conference
In 2018, you started the Women Physicians Wellness Conference in Grand Cayman of all places. Can you go back to going into that first conference that you had? Again, you did it in Grand Cayman. That would be a huge leap. It’d be one thing to do it down the street at the Ramada. No disrespect to the Ramada Inn, but what were you feeling like in 2018? How was it like, “This is the right thing for me to do?” How did you pull this off?
We had gone on our 10th wedding anniversary to Grand Cayman. This was like a little spark in the back of my brain at this point. You get the feeling like you just walked into a place and it reminded me of Charity Hospital, honestly, in some way. I was like, “This is it. I have to be here.” We were in Grand Cayman, and it was so beautiful. We were at a boutique hotel and I thought, “This is perfect.” At the same time, I had stepped away from a faculty development course that I had been teaching for many years. Multiple faculty development courses, in fact.
I’ve been teaching medical education. I knew a lot about adult learners and adult learners medicine. The more I thought about these women, I thought, “What do I know to be true? What do they need? How can I be strategic? I don’t want this to just be another conference. I want this to be something that is life-changing for them as much as it can be.” Strategic kept coming to mind. I know if you sent me to a conference down the street in Kansas City. What would I do? I’d take my laptop. I would be open about work. I’d be listening but I’d also be checking my email and finishing a couple charts.
I’m going to take a call real quick. That sounded like that was good information that they were teaching, but I’m going to take this call. All the things. I was like, “How far can I get these women away from the work to go?” My husband at the same time went a little bit grudgingly because he was in clinical all the time. He was always having an inbox full of labs and all this. He’s like, “I don’t know how good Wi-Fi is and I can’t check my charts.” I said, “That’s the point.” When we got there the Wi-Fi was okay, but it wasn’t fantastic.
He eventually gave up. I was like, “This is what’s wrong. I want these women to be able to do all the other things so they can sit here with these other women and learn and connect.” That was how Grand Cayman happened. When I asked myself, “Can I do this? What am I doing?” The Achilles heel is thinking everything’s easier to do than it is.
Women must learn to meet and connect with other women. Share on XI was thinking, “I’ve planned a wedding before, so I know how to plan an event. I know how to get to see me because I’ve been doing this faculty development course. I’ve given talks at academic conferences. I know a lot of other great women physician speakers that have amazing information to share. Why don’t I reach out to them?” That’s just how I started. My secret dream was to get 50 women in the room, but what I would tell people was 30 because I felt like 50 felt huge for some reason. We got 55 the first year. It was beautiful and wonderful. We grew. The second year, which happens to be February of 2020.
Before the pandemic. What a memory. You come back to shut down.
I remember sitting in Grand Cayman and we were all wearing masks at this point mainly because we were medical professionals. Not because it hit the United States yet but because we were paranoid medical professionals. While I was in Grand Cayman, we learned of the first case in Washington State. We’re like, “Is this going to be a thing?” We’re all talking about it. We flew home and three weeks later, shut down.
We had a pause for a minute. I had women that kept approaching me and saying, “Grand Cayman was great. When are you going to do it somewhere else? Do it in another premium island so I can experience that or I can’t get CME outside the continental US. Can you bring it inside the US for us?” By the time we came back, we did two virtuals. By the time we came back in 2022, we were like, “Let me see where this goes. Let’s expand it to three and see what the women want.” I asked the women every time, “What do you want next?” They’re wonderful that way and I try to make sure we have it.
I experienced my first in May, in Aruba.
Were you a speaker, Angela Walker?
I was honored that I was a speaker there, but I was more a participant than a speaker. I soaked it all up. I initially thought, “I don’t know if I can afford to do all that data and all the stuff.” My mom had been ill, but my husband stayed back and helped my mom. God bless him. I was just like, “I’m just going to take it all in.” I was there from the first speaker to the very last. I was like, “How did I miss this before?” I can’t say enough good things about the conference. What I wanted to ask you because I certainly know how it felt for me. What surprised you most about Women Physicians what they needed once they were in this room together?
I try to put incredible speakers like yourself on stage. Angela did such an incredible job and she’s coming back in 2027 as well. I am so excited. She’s fantastic, which you know.
Where will you be in 2027?
I’m doing Bahamas, which is the Women Professional Wellness Conference, which I’m very excited about. That’s in January 2027. The Women Physicians Wellness, the one that I attend, that’s going to be in February 2027, right?
Yes. We’re switching. Aruba will be in February 2027 and Grand Cayman will be in May 2027. We’re just trying to keep the prices down for everybody for hotel rooms because those suck.
I would go to all of them if I could.
Erica, for our audience, why don’t you just go ahead and tell us where we can find information about the Women Physicians Wellness Conference?
We have two different websites. We have the WomenPhysiciansWellness.com website, which is for our physicians only. That’s exclusive to them. We also have created the Women Professionals Wellness Conference, which is for NPs, Pas, non-medical women professionals, lawyers, veterinarians, and dentists. I guess I’m still covering a lot of medical, but social workers and physicians as well. We had heard that a lot of women physicians might want to bring their non-physician friends or their team like the nurse.
That is WomenProfessionalsWellness.com. We have our closed Facebook group for Women Physicians, which is Women Physicians Wellness Conference and then on Instagram is @WPWConferences. That is just a way to keep up to date on all the things WPW both professionals and physicians. Those are the ways that you can reach out and connect with us and follow along with what is going on or register. You mentioned what was the biggest surprise.
I tried to put these incredible speakers on the stage to learn from them. I had an inkling that they were going to learn just as much from the other women in the room. Sometimes, there are people that are more introverted and don’t connect as well. It was so beautiful. Every time, it inspires me so much to keep going with this and see the way that they connect and form relationships. I tell everyone. I’m like, “Don’t network here. This isn’t where you network. This is where you build a relationship with other women that you can lean on in the future.” I heard from a woman in Vermont who just sent me a lovely email. When she got back, there were a few Vermont people. They got together and they call it a WPW Vermont group now.
They could go to the Green Mountain in Vermont. They have places to go in Vermont.
Exactly what I want it to be like. I’m putting on as many offices as I can. Connect with each other. Having those moments where you can connect with each other and hearing from women afterwards is like, “I finally realized I’m not alone. I always thought I was the only one,” and that was exactly me, too. I thought everybody else had got this figured out. Why can’t I pull my stuff together? It’s just recognizing that we’re all going through the same thing and there are women that I can lean on and I can connect with to make this a little bit easier.
You do a good job in terms of the speakers. It is about wellness and how we can do this life in medicine better and not necessarily leave it because we’re burned out. One of the speakers talked about EMR and how to capitalize on using electronic medical records. You’re billing and coding. You’re doing the work, but a lot of us aren’t trained how to capture to make the most of your work in terms of how to capture.
You’re working smarter not harder.
Exactly. There was a speaker that talked about money. Everybody’s ears perked up. In terms of saving, how to retire and how to do it smart because we’re all in the medical profession typically delayed in our savings because of the, as you mentioned, the ten years before we’re usually making enough to save. Anyway, I can’t say enough about the intention that you put into the variety of speakers. It truly is a CME worthy conference. Thank you.
I appreciate it.
Why Putting Yourself First Must Be A Top Priority
Erica, what do you say to the woman physician who’s reading who’s like, “I am too busy to do this. I don’t have the time. I have 1,001 other things to do.” What do you say to her?
I know. I agree. I was like that. I didn’t take a vacation for seven years in the beginning of my career. It was insane. I went to Jamaica with my husband and the only reason that we went alone was because we won tickets that were for just us.
You didn’t take vacation because you didn’t have the time. You didn’t feel like you had the time. Why didn’t you take vacation? There was some schedule.
Three kids, five years, two physicians scheduled to manage. Who’s going to watch the kids? If I leave, the emails are just going to fill up. The inbox will just fill up.
More work when you get back.
When I get back, I’m going to have to make up the time. Not worth it. The list goes on. I remember the first time, and this was not anything WPW. We went to Jamaica because we had to. We had to use the tickets. We didn’t want it to be wasteful because we won them. We got to the hotel. We shut the blinds and door and we slept for 14 hours. I cannot tell you anything about Jamaica. It’s lovely. It seems lovely. We went from the hotel room, to the restaurant, to the beach, to the pool, to the hotel room, to the restaurant, to the beach and the pool. That was it.
I know nothing about Jamaica other than that. It was like suddenly seeing color again. That’s the only way I can think to describe it. It’s because we’ve been so tired. I know you’re tired. I know it’s hard to schedule. I know that it costs money. You’re taking time away from the kids and you feel guilty. There is going to be more work when you get home. That sucks. I want to fix that for you, but that may be a future problem we deal with. You got to do it anyway.
You have to put yourself first in this moment anyway. I guarantee you what you will get out of this conference will pay you back tenfold. Honestly, I’m going to tell you this. Even if you don’t choose WPW, even if you choose another wellness conference for women, do that then. Make the time to put yourself first for just a couple of days.
There will be work on the other end, but I promise that the connection and the community that you’re going to find and the strategies that you’re going to learn. Women are incredible communicators. They’re sharing information and knowledge with each other. That’s one of our superpowers. No offense to guys, but when they get into a room for three hours, they end up watching a football game. We get into a room for three hours and we’ve come out with a new Instacart.
We solve some problems.
You solve the world’s problems right there and she’s got a new nanny. She’s going to have a talk with her husband about doing the dishes more often. We’ve solved it. I understand 1,000% those feelings of, “I can’t right now.” You still need to, and you need to do it regularly. It needs to simply be a part of your life that you make time for. That part of your life used to be about you. We certainly will allow women to come with their families or their husbands or spouses or partners.
It’s great when women come alone or with other women because the knowledge and the strategy shared and the conversations that happen. I feel that it fills our souls. That women need women. We need that community. I could go on forever, but I hear you. I hear all those issues. I experienced all of that. I made all those mistakes and you should do it anyway.
I want to make sure that we include women that may not have partners or children because we too get burned out. We too are expected to do beyond all the committees, do all the caregiving within our family, to make sure that our own households are running smoothly. We too are corporations. It’s not just women who have partners or who have children who are burned out or who are overextended. I want to make certain that those women also are seeing and know that they need a vacation. They definitely need to seek out a woman’s wellness conference like WPW to make sure that they are staying engaged and they are in community.,
I saw that at that conference. It’s the validation of everyone, because we all have different experiences. If you’re in your own silo and your practice or your hospital, it’s the same people. In this atmosphere, you’ve got a variety of careers, specialties, experiences and life experiences, but it’s validation no matter what across the board. You’re going to find somebody that validates where you are. Also, it’s that encouragement and support to do it differently. It’s like now, “She did it. Why can’t I?” Also, the ideas of how to do it differently.
It’s encouragement. Sometimes, it’s saying that thing that feels a little bit crazy, like, “I want to do this thing. I want to transition to a different idea of medicine.” So much of our training is very traditional. You’re an academic or private practice. There is a feeling of less than if you don’t do one of those two tracks.
If you’re in academics and you’re not choosing academics and moving up the ladder from assistant to associate to full. There is something wrong with you.
Why would you not choose to continue to work your way? Sylvia, you brought up such a good point of the women that don’t have children and don’t have partners. I remember when I graduated. I had a close friend. She was moving to Baltimore for a faculty position and as was I, in different institutions. She was frustrated that she wanted to work part-time and everyone said, “Is it because you’re a single mom?” Trying to fill in a blank there and she said, “It’s just because I worked for ten years. I just want to work part-time.”
I had that same experience.
It was so foreign that she was getting this pushback, like, “You need a reason. Do you have a sick parent? What’s going on? Are you ill?” Why do you need a reason? That’s just what I want to do. That validation is so crucial to us, because we do work in silos so often. Even if we do work beside other women physicians, you’re focused on your work, getting through the day and the patient volume. There aren’t long periods of time where we can sit down and be like, “Tell me what you think here. I need to brainstorm.”
It may not be safe to share that information with your colleague. Let’s just be honest.
Not everybody is a safe place. Sometimes, you might be thinking of a career change and you don’t want to be sharing that at work. One of the things that we do at WPW, people sometimes push back on a little bit. We do sign seating. I want women to come. We’ve all been to those academic conferences where you walk into the room and you’re like, “Where do I sit?” This group might know each other. I don’t want to go there. There’s only one person at that table and I don’t want to sit alone.”
I assigned seating and I do it because I want to take that worry away from you. I want to take that anxiety away. You don’t have to worry about where you’re going to sit. I’m going to tell you where to sit and it’s going to be a table full of other women and they don’t know each other. I want you to end up with women you don’t know because you’re more likely to share with them what you think. You don’t know them. They don’t work with you. They didn’t travel with you. You just share anything and hear feedback.
You are more likely to share what you think with people you do not know. Share on XIt’s encouragement in a way that might sound a little bit different than it does with maybe the girlfriends that you travel with or somebody you know from work or something like that. Everything we do at WPW is based on my years teaching in faculty development and what I know about adult learners. Trying to be just so strategic about everything we do so that it creates the best learning environment and the best environment for connection that I possibly can. I know that you have limited time. I know that these women took three days out of their busy lives to come together or to fly sometimes halfway across the world to come join us. I want it to be just incredible from day one. I want every moment to just be the best that it can be for them.
The intentionality shines through. I can vouch for that. Erica, you pour so much obviously into others and particularly with all these conferences and I know with your family and friends. What does your self-care practice look like? What feels like your cup? Give us the details.
I mentioned in the beginning I’m a military brat. I was raised a bit like a cadet, to be honest with you. My father already had a story. There were boys and then he had two girls. Lord knows, he didn’t know what to do. Things were very regimented and naps were very much frowned upon in our household. If you’re taking a nap, that means you should go to bed. Rest has always been hard for me. Since I have transitioned to WPW full-time, I actively try to nap.
Congratulations on that. That’s huge.
Thank you. It is huge and I’m so proud of what our community has created. This isn’t me. This is us. This is all of us coming together and supporting each other. One of my big self-care things is trying to take naps and recognizing when I’m tired. I have a self-talk around this. This is a hard thing for me. I have to say, “It’s okay to rest. It’s okay to take a nap. There are no emergencies at WPW. Nobody died because they didn’t register at WPW.”
Between my training and my childhood, that’s very difficult for me. That’s one of the big parts of myself that I care. Each morning, I will go out and sit on our back porch. I’m a homebody. When I’m not traveling, I’m a big homebody. I love to travel and I also love my house. We’ll just go sit. We try to drink our coffee and just connect and talk. Do that. I try to do walks every day in nature. It’s like a nature bath. Get a little exercise in.
I’m big on two things. One is when I hang out with another friend of mine. I will try to schedule the next time that we’re going to hang out while we’re still together. Also, so that it doesn’t get lost in the schedule. We’ve always got that next time we’re going to see each other. I want to put my friendships at the top of my list because those women friendships are so important. That was something hard to let go of for many years.
It was WPW where I started to recognize the importance of those. I have to start building that back. That’s a way that I ensure I’m always connecting with the women that are important in my life. I love to travel. If you follow my Instagram, I’ve been to Greece for my husband’s 50th. We went there for like ten days and then I just got back from an amazing trip to the British Virgin Islands as well. We toured a yacht. Anytime I’m traveling, I tend to say, “What are we going to do next?” We’ve always got that to look forward to as well. What do I love and how can I do more of it and make sure that it’s a priority every day in some way. I’d love yours. What do you guys do for your self-care?
I would like travel to be on the top of the list and I’m working on that. For me, starting every morning before I get out of bed with prayer. Being thankful and grateful. I tend to pray for everybody in the family mindful. Also, meditation. Sylvia and I both listened to Jay Shetty. We’ve got nothing coming from him or calm, but definitely plug it. I plug it for my patients. Mindful meditation has made a huge difference. It’s more of just the intentionality. I’ve done it and it makes me feel better. Also, walking, I have been trying to get on Sylvia’s kick of doing in the morning, but I’ve got the bulldogs on the mornings when my husband’s already out the door. He’s not a walker. He does his stuff and that’s it.
I try to walk in the evenings. My movies are my love language. Other than travel, I love the movies and I love going to the movie theater. Unfortunately, I probably wouldn’t be as healthy with the hummus. I’m going to do the popcorn, but I love the idea of a block of time doing something different for myself. I’m getting back into painting but that requires you to set the time aside to do it. Those are some of the things I like to do.
I’d add on to Angela’s. I do a daily gratitude list. Also, I love a nature bath, so I try to walk in the morning. Before our interview, it was just fifteen minutes. I put on my weighted vest and I walked down the street. I saw Ms. Jerry and Charlie the dog. I came back, which means I probably will need to walk again in the evening. The walk is the thing that settles me down and it’s very important.
That’s what I have to remember. Maybe I just need to do that for ten minutes. I’m always focused on, if I’m going to go for a walk, I want to be there for 30 minutes and get it all in. Maybe just a brief morning introduction. We’ll see.
Sylvia, I’m with you. It was funny because I usually do a morning walk but I was doing this. I was excited I was excited to do this and excited to go for walks, so I may have some running shorts on.
I love gratitude, too. This is going to be a little corny, but every time that we get a registration and I get an email notification. I always try to say a little prayer for that person like, “I’m so grateful that you’re going to be with us and I hope you’re well.” It’s recognizing that each of those emails, each of those notifications is a woman who is tired and has 1,000 things on her plate. At the same time, she’s making the time and the space itself for WPW and for herself. My gratitude for that. That means a lot to me.
You Are Worth The Effort Of Self-Love
Erica, is there one thing you’d like to leave our audience with? Especially for the woman who was feeling burned out or stuck or as a colonel of an idea to make a change in her life.
It’s going to sound simple but you’re worth it. You’re worth the effort that it takes to put yourself first. You’re just worth it. There was a time where I felt like I shouldn’t be last. To some extent, I wanted to be last. I want to put my kids first. I want my family first and patients first. You are worth being first.
You are worth the effort to put yourself first. Share on XSometimes, we just need to hear it from someone else and be reminded of that. Dr. Howe, this conversation has been everything as I expected it to be. We thank you for showing up so fully, authentically and honestly with our community. We know that there are so many gems, tools and their tool belts, the four As that they can take away. The idea of putting ourselves first so that we can be the best for everyone else in our lives should be shouted out every day. Thank you for the reminder.
Thank you Dr. Walker and Dr. Morris. This was amazing. You’re changing lives too through these conversations and continuing to get this message out. It’s so important. I do these events and it’s four times a year, but there’s an in between there that still needs coverage and connection. That’s what this show is offering. On behalf of your audience, I’m so grateful. I’m grateful that you invited me here and I would like to say thank you. You’re doing that life changing work, too.
Thank you very much. Please know that you have an open invitation to come back. We’d love to continue our conversation with our audience and reminding them that they are worth it.
Thank you. I’d love that.
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If you want to connect with Dr. Howe or learn more about the Women Physicians Wellness Conference or Women Professional Wellness Conference, go to the website, which she mentioned. You can go find her and follow her. If the conference is calling your name, answer it. It is well worth it.
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Until the next episode. May you be well.
May you be well.
Important Links
- Dr. Erica Howe on LinkedIn
- Women Physicians Wellness Conference
- Women Professional Wellness Conference
- @WPWConferences on Instagram
- Women Physicians Wellness Conference Facebook Group
- Boss Leap on YouTube
About Dr. Erica Howe
Dr. Howe is a board-certified Hospitalist and a nationally known educator, wife, and mother to three crazy kids. As a prolific speaker and lifelong advocate for improved wellness in medicine, she has given hundreds of talks both nationally and internationally on topics like conflict management and boundary setting. In 2018, she founded the Women Physicians Wellness Conference in Aruba, Grand Cayman, and Amelia Island exclusively for women physicians. Then, in 2024 she founded the Women Professionals Wellness Conference –a 3-day event in the Bahamas each January–as a way to bring women from various demanding professions together to share their struggles and their strategies for success. She believes that women are stronger together and wants to inspire them to find the courage, clarity, and community to succeed on their own terms, instead of someone else’s.